The Tranquil
by Cowoline
Summary: Post DAII. After five years of civil war all over Thedas we follow the last mission of a freedom fighter named The Tranquil.His mission: To save a apostate turned tranquil four years ago. F!Hawke/Anders, Amell/Alistair. Bioware owns the world and characters.
1. Chapter 1

The tranquil

Five years of war had almost tarred Thedas apart. Renegade templars and the mages had been slaughtering each other and may the Maker have mercy to all the innocents caught in the crossfire. Most people didn't know if the templars or the mages posted the greater threat and most had stopped caring. They just wanted the war to be over "Just give the mages what they want. It can't possibly be worse than this" was the argument of most people. Six months ago the war had finally ended. King Alistair of Ferelden had made a bold decision and allied with the mages. The official explanation for this was that the Chantry in Ferelden and lost complete control over its templars. The templars had begun to kill all who they suspected might have magic somewhere in their bloodline. The templars who didn't agree with this approach had joined the mages. With the support of King Alistair's army they had been able to remove the renegade templars from Ferelden. After this success other countries had started to do the same.

There was still tension all over Thedas and this was mostly spurred in the two remaining places where mages where still officially to gain their freedom. Val Royeaux, well most of Orlais really, and Stark Haven. Because of the civil war that occurred in Orlais at the same time as the mage rebellion, Orlais hadn't dealt with the situation and that had resulted in complete anarchy. Most of Orlais was free of templars, but in the capital there was still an order of very vigilant templars led by a man called Jack Leroux. Stark Haven had been reclaimed by Prince Sebastian Vael four years ago. It was said that he had been present during the uprising in Kirkwall. The circle in Stark Haven had been lost over a century ago and instead the prince had made a prison that could compare to Aeonar. Some said that the prince was mad, but others claimed that he was the only one still to be loyal to the Maker and the words of Andreaste. There for a lot of devoted andrastians had migrated to Stark Haven. But now Thedas had to look forward and find a way to reintegrate mages back into society. And what place better to start than where all of this began? Kirkwall.

She walked down from Hightown towards Lowtown. It had been quiet lately. The mages had all, but left Kirkwall. After Anders had blown up the chantry most of the templars had left to join the order in other parts of Thedas or the renegades. Thanks to Varric everyone was aware of the former Knight-commanders insanity and there were even rumours that Anders had destroyed the chantry under her orders. Because of this the war was hardly felt in Kirkwall even though it was where it started. A new chantry had been build with a memorial in front of it and the remaining templars, including Knight-Commander Cullen, where now guarding the chantry and hunting blood mages when necessary. The mages that were left lived in peace. Well, sort of. Mostly the reason that they were free was because people were terrified of antagonizing them further. Though, she had to admit that the mages were beginning to improve Kirkwall. Some were healers, some had opened small shops and some had even joined the guard. The seneschal had not been pleased by this, but they had proved themselves to be trusted and loyal. The noble who had now become Viscount was named Gilgan. He was a distant cousin to the former viscount, but had not been allowed to take over after Dumar's death because of Knight-commander Meredith. Gilgan had joined the noble's rebellion against Meredith and had a sister who was a mage, though he hardly knew her. Because of this he was not interested in hunting down mages and had long ago made it clear, that he wished nothing more for Kirkwall than to leave the Gallows incident in the past. She continued to walk towards the Hanged Man. She looked around at the drunken men and tried to forget the smell as she breathed through her mouth. Twelve years in Kirkwall, twelve years of coming here and the smell still made her nauseous. She looked towards the bar and saw a pirate she hadn't seen for a long time. Isabela looked at her and smiled.

"Man chin! Good to see you."

"Hello whore. When did you get back?"

"Just a couple of weeks ago. If you are here to see Varric he is in his suite with Lea."

Aveline nodded and went up to his suite. He had gotten an extra room three years ago. She went inside and stood in the doorway into the "new" room. It was small, but unlike the rest of the Hanged Man it was clean and even cosy. Varric was sitting on the bed while Lea was lying in bed keenly listening to every word of his story.

"And then the dragon swooped down, took Fenris in its mouth a shook him hard from side to side. Then…"

"Should you really be telling that kind of story to a four year old, Varric?"

"It's a good story and my audience is intrigued."

"I am brave! Dragons don't scare me." Lea jumped up and began to play pretend using a stick as a sword.

"That's enough, Shadow. You should get some sleep. I'll continue the story tomorrow." Varric chuckled.

"Promise?"

"I promise. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Varric. Goodnight Aveline. Please don't shut the door. I don't like the dark."

Varric stood up, tucked in Lea and went into his suite with Aveline. When in the suite Aveline began to speak softly.

"This isn't really the place for a child, Varric."

"It's not that bad. Besides she learns a lot of people skills."

"Not to mention pick pocketing and swearing. Her mouth is almost as dirty as Isabela's."

"Not to mention in a few years she will be beating everyone in this joint at diamond back. Don't know how she has become so good at cards. She certainly didn't inherit that from her father."

"Be serious, Varric."

"Aveline, what will you have me do? I am her guardian. Maker knows I wasn't prepared for it, but both her parents are gone and I have tried my best."

"I know. I'm sorry. She does love you, Varric. I guess that is the most important thing. "

Isabella came in the door, with a bottle of whisky in her hand and smiled.

"Is the kitten asleep?"

At Isabela's voice the door to Lea's room opened and she ran towards Isabela and jumped into her arms. Varric grumbled at Isabela for waking her, but Isabela just laughed and took Lea back to bed. Aveline shook her head when she heard Isabela singing a drinking song as a lullaby. No, this certainly wasn't the best place for a child. When Isabela had assured Lea was asleep she went back into the suite and poured some whisky. Aveline then looked at Varric and asked:

"Has she shown any sign of possessing magic?"

"Not yet, but she is still very young."

"I hope that if she sets fire to the place we will be able to save the liquor." Isabela grinned.

"It isn't funny whore. She needs someone to take care of her who knows what she is up against."

"Aveline, I can't just start going through Lowtown screaming "I have a child who needs mage training"." Varric remarked.

"What about Bethany?"

"Last I heard Sunshine was in Ferelden, but things a far from safe yet. Besides I have used my contacts. I have arranged for a mage friend of mine too visit once a month to see if she is showing any signs."

"Does he know who she is?"

"Great ancestors, no! No one does. It would be signing her death warrant."

They were quiet for awhile.

"You still haven't heard anything from Hawke."

"Not a word. I had hoped that when the rebellion was over she would contact me, but I guess I was wrong. Either she really is dead or…"

"Doesn't want to be found."

Isabela filled all of their glasses and drank to Hawke.


	2. Chapter 2 Tranquils

2 Tranquils

Val Chevin in Orlais. It was late evening and there was a thick fog that made everything look like something from a ghost story. Two cloaked figures went through the street and down and alley. One was a woman and the other a man.

"It should be here somewhere."

"Let us just find it... All this sneaking about is making my blood run cold."

"Keep it together magey. I am here with you after all." He smiled wickedly.

"Oh, yes. My great templar protector. No wonder we rebelled if all templar's where as insufferable as you." She remarked sarcastically.

"If I am so terrible why are you here with me?"

"Well, there is that charming Orlisian accent of yours and you do have... other uses."

He pulled her close and kissed her. She pushed him away smiling.

"Not now... let's find the sanctuary."

"You started it... Here it is. Now it is your turn."

She casted a spell on one of the bricks in the wall and a hidden doorway opened. They went down the stairs and closed the door behind them. The stairs let down to a basement and further down into the sewer. They finally came to a ladder the climbed up it and knocked on the hatch. A voice then said.

"Without an end.."

"There can be no peace." The templar answered.

The hatch was opened and they went inside. This was a mage hideout for the resistance that were trying to liberate Orlais. There were several rooms in what was obviously an old basement. Here they slept, ate and planned. They went into the common room and the female mage went to warm herself by the fire. Next to the fire sat what appeared to be a skinny man. He was dressed all in black, none of his skin was exposed and was wearing a black hood. His face was covered with an iron mask, that looked like the once used by the Tevinter Emporium. On the forehead of the mask was a sun, like the brand used on tranquil mages. She froze. Could this really be him? **The** tranquil? He was a renowned freedom fighter for the mages, but little was known about him. He did everything from recon, prison breaks and assaults. He was suppose to be a great strategist and fearless. Over the past three years he had dealt several devastating blows to the templar faction. There were many theories about his identity. The one that was widely believe was that he was a mage that was made tranquil in the circle in Nevarra. When the circle rebelled he should have escaped. Having no purpose he did what he found to be logical and decided to help his kind. He had then trained rogue skills and was a fierce dualist. Some claimed that he still had magic and that was why the templars couldn't control him. No matter what his background was he had become a rallying cry for the mages, even those the templars believed they could control had turned on them.

She shook her head and tried not to stare. The templar came up behind her and took of the damp coat.

"Let me take that for you, mon cherrie."

"Thank you."

An elderly mage came into the room smiling. He was a former enchanter from Nevarra. He was balled, but had a gray beard.

"Susanna! Phillip! You are back. Your mission was successful I hope."

"Enchanter Bryce. Yes..." Phillip hesitated and looked at the cloaked man.

"Oh, where are my manors. This is Kristoff, you might know him as The Tranquil. He is the reason I send you on this mission."

Kristoff got up from the chair and faced them, still wearing his hood.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, serah. We have heard so much about you." Susanna said to who Kristoff merely nodded.

"Please tell us what you found out. Did you find him?" Enchanter Bryce smiled.

"Yes. He was indeed at the templar base in Val Royeaux. He is the personal assistant of Jack Leroux." Susanna replied.

"Then I must leave immediately. You have my gratitude." Kristoff turned and was on his way out the door. His voice was coarse and sounded far older than Susanna expected.

"Wait my friend. Surely you cannot hope to do this alone. Take Susanna, Phillip and Oran with you." The enchanter interrupted.

Kristoff hesitated and then just nodded.

"Good, I'll go get Oran and some supplies for you and you can leave in half an hour."

As the enchanter promised half an hour later they left. Phillip was a tall, very muscular man and had long brown hair. He was one of the first templars to support the mages rebellion. He was stationed in a chantry and not in a circle, but his twin brother was mage that had been made tranquil while in the circle in Kirkwall. Phillip had been thirteen when he was taken away, so Phillip had a good memory of him. It had outraged him that his brother had been made tranquil and had left the order after that. Then three months later he heard about what happened in Kirkwall. Though he felt for the deaths of the people in the chantry he rejoiced at the fact that those who had mutilated his brother were punished. He had then sort out the rebellion and joined them. Last year he had met Susanna who was from Nevarra and he had fallen for her almost instantly. She had long curly white hair, tanned skin and her eyes where almost black. He had never seen anyone like her. Oran was an eleven mage from Cumberland. He was small, skinny had ginger hair and was awfully pale. He seemed so frail and he used it to his advantage by letting his opponents believe they were his superior. His destruction magic was fierce and Phillip had once seen him take down ten templars on his own. Oran was still young though and was often impatient. Not to mention curious and inappropriate.

They had only walked for half an hour when Oran couldn't keep silent any longer. He looked at Phillip and started to whisper.

"Is that really him?" Gesturing in Kristoff's direction.

"Yes, that's him."

"Wow! I heard he once snuck into a phylactery chamber all on his own and destroyed them."

"You are too willing to believe anything you hear. It takes both a templar and a mage to enter the phylactery chamber. There is no way he could have done it on his own."

"You are always so logical. Don't you have any faith?"

"I have faith that he knows how to use those daggers of his."

"So mind telling me what we are doing?"

"We are going to rescue a tranquil from the templar order in Val Royeaux."

"Finally a challenge. Who are we rescuing?"

"A man named Anders."

"**The** Anders? Why?"

"Because when they captured him, the templars made him tranquil to show mages that no one could oppose them. They made him tranquil to spite us. Hoping that it would strike fear into our hearts to see the man who started the rebellion become their puppet. If we free him and reverse the rite, we show the templars that we can undo everything they have ever done to us." Susanna explained.

"Ha! Learn it templars! So do we know how to undo the rite?"

"I do. Enchanter Rhys taught how to do it a year ago. There is nothing quite like helping a tranquil regaining their humanity... It is terribly sad and gratifying at the same time."

"Tranquil always gave me the chills. I am glad I was never assigned to a circle." Phillip stated.

Kristoff went in front of them leading the way. He heard them whispering, but didn't pay any attention. He was deep in thought.

"_You are afraid."_

"_We are about to enter a city full of templars. I am... apprehensive."_

"_Yes, but it is not the templars you are afraid of."_

"_I... I know... can we please just focus on the mission?"_

"_It is going to be alright. We will not fail."_

"_It must be bad if __**you**__ are the optimist."_

"_I am here for you, whatever you need."_

Kristoff tried to rethink his strategy for the attack over and over to make sure everything was accounted for. He then started to listen to his companion's conversation, slightly amused by the fact that they didn't believe he could hear them.

"You know what? I know what I am going to ask Anders as soon as you reverse the rite, Susanna." Oran mused.

"I am afraid to ask, but what?"

"Well how the champion was in bed of course."

"Oran!" Phillip grumbled.

"What? She was suppose to be beautiful and from what I have heard quite **spirited**."

"You can be an insensitive ass you know." Susanna spat.

"Why? She was beautiful and deadly. I am just asking what everyone is wondering about. Not to mention all the pickup line's he could teach me. Honestly how does an apostate who lives in a sewer talk the knickers of a rich noble woman?"

"Asking a man, who has just regained his emotions about his dead lover, is beyond cruel."

"Chances of us meeting him, if you keep chatting that loudly, are minimal." Kristoff remarked in a calm and unfeeling voice. They walked for three days and arrived in Val Royeux just before dawn. The made it to one of the safe houses and waited for nightfall.


	3. Chapter 3 Anders

3 Anders

Susanna, Phillip and Oran where sitting eating their dinner with a girl, named Jenny, who took care of the safe house. Kristoff kept to himself. He was like a ghost, entering and leaving a room without anyone noticing him. Never taking of his mask and he ate in privacy. When he talked his coarse voice was without emotion. Tranquils were always unsettling, but he was even more so. He seemed to be more dead than alive. Jenny had acquired some more information for them. It was a good thing they knew she could be trusted because she was certainly chatty.

"I can't believe you are going to rescue Anders. I have always wanted to see him."

"He is tranquil. There isn't much to see." Susanna responded.

"I know, but still. The stories you hear are so... romantic." Jenny gave a little sigh.

"Starting a war by massacring a bunch of people, you think that is romantic?" Phillip stated.

"I am talking about the love stories of course. The stories about, how he made a rich noble woman fall in love with him. Then he got her to save the mages instead of killing them."

"I don't think she ever killed any mages and who said that she didn't like mages before that?"

"You have no sense of drama."

"I think both Anders and the champion got enough drama... especially at the end." Susanna said with a sad voice.

"Yes... that is the most romantic part." Jenny said with dreamy eyes.

"Romantic? They were captured and tortured. First she had to sit by while they preformed a ritual that almost killed him. After that they beat her to death in front of him and threw her in a dungeon for her corps to rot. And then finally after him begging for death for weeks they made him their tranquil puppet. Honestly, I am not sure we are doing him a kindness by giving him his emotions back." Phillip stated.

"It is a tragic romance."

"It is time for us to leave." Kristoff noted in the door. Where had he come from and how long had he been standing there? He really was terrifying in his own way. A good thing he was on their side. He walked in the shadows as if he were a part of them. His mask and black hood made him look scarier than any demon. He was unreadable, emotionless and distant. His presence sent a chill through every inch of once body. He might as well be a walking dead. They picked up their things and went towards the templar headquarters.

They were walking through the sewers and the stench was horrible. All of them holding cloth over their mouths. Kristoff didn't seem to mind the smell and Oran began to wonder if he had any sense of smell at all. They went in through a hatch that led to the basement of the headquarters. Kristoff lead the way. The way he vanished into the shadows was amazing... unsettling, but amazing. He redirected the patrols and brought them safely past them. Now they needed to find where Anders was. They found the room they were told was his. The light was still on. Kristoff took the handle and for the first time Susanna noticed that he seemed to hesitate. He was probably preparing for an assault and she grabbed her fist tightly around her staff. The little room was filled with books and in the middle there was a desk. A blonde man was sitting by the desk and turned around as they entered. He had the brand on his forehead and he gave them a curious look. Well, as curious as a tranquil could look. His eyes seemed empty and he had no body language at all. His gaze was completely vacant. Kristoff jumped slightly, but the others didn't notice. He then closed the door behind him.

"_Maker... it is him... I can't bear to look."_

"_You must. You are strong. I am here for you, whatever you need."_

"_I know."_

Kristoff turned around and he could see Anders studying him. It was hard for him to keep still and focus on Anders. Tranquillity was worse than death, but thankfully there was now a way to reverse it. Kristoff looked at the sun on Anders' forehead. That would forever be a reminder to the man of what he had been, always give away that he was a mage and worse... a constant reminder of all that he had lost. Perhaps Phillip had been right. Killing him might be the most merciful option, but this was about more than that. This was a blow to the templars showing them that all mages stand together, no matter what.

"Is your name Anders?" Susanna asked.

"That is what I am called, yes."

"We are here to free you and undo what has been done to you."

"I see... If you intend to reverse my condition I suggest that we go to the commander's office. There is a book with a detailed description." Anders replied calmly.

"I know how to reverse the rite. We don't need it."

"I believe you do. Performing the rite of tranquillity on me was difficult."

"Very well. Lead the way."

Anders nodded and went out the door with the others following. Susanna wondered why there weren't any guards posted. She got the answer when Kristoff hastily grabbed her and Anders by the arm. Kristoff then kneeled and disarmed a trap. There must have been at least fifty before they reached the office. They quickly entered and Anders went to find the book. Oran could of cause not keep his mouth shut and believing they were safe started asking questions.

"So Anders, I have to ask. Why are you coming with us? I mean you serve the templars so why come with us. You don't have any feelings telling you that you would want to be free."

"I serve Jack Leroux, because that is my function. You are right that I have no feelings, but I still have my memories. Though I do no longer posses the desire to be free, I do remember having a function when I was free. And you would not have come for me if you did not have a function for me to perform."

"Have you always been this shifting in your loyalty?"

"Loyalty has nothing to do with it. It is logical, you have more functions for me to perform than Jack Leroux does."

Susanna grabbed Oran's arm and hushed him. Hearing Anders speak was terrifying. She had read his manifesto several times. They were so heartfelt and passionate. Seeing a man who wanted to be a visionary and who risked everything to free his people like this, was horrible. Susanna then heard a loud noise and looked at Oran. His impatient nature had once again caused them trouble. He had activated a trap and now five shades appeared. Kristoff pulled is daggers and vanished into a cloud of smoke. Phillip charged forward while Oran casted chain lightning. They had quickly dealt with the shades, but unfortunately the templars were now aware of their presence. Anders had found the book and they ran. Kristoff lead the way. It was incredible how fast he was and they actually got out of the keep without having to kill more than a few templars. He led them out to the street and a few streets away there were two young boys with two horses each saddled and ready. Had Kristoff known how it would turn out or was he just prepared for anything? He paid the boys and jumped on a horse. Phillip lifted Susanna up on one of the horses and then jumped up behind her. Oran and Anders took a horse each. Kristoff then lead them through a lot of small streets and alleys and before they knew it they were out of Val Royaux. Susanna wasn't sure where they were heading, but it seemed like they were going south. When she asked Phillip he nodded. Why were they heading south?

It was the longest ride Susanna had ever done. She wondered how the horses faired. When they reached a small village she was hoping that they might stop, but Kristoff however had arranged for four knew horses. They had ridden for almost fourteen hours when Kristoff finally wanted them to make camp. Oran immediately started to put out his bedroll and sleep. Kristoff started a fire and gave them all something to eat. It was hard to tell, but even he seemed more tired than usual. Before lying down to sleep Anders handed Susanna the book. She started to read and even though she should sleep she couldn't put the book down. These rituals were unlike anything she had ever seen. The others were fast asleep, she thought so she was startled when Kristoff sat down next to her.

"What did they do to him?"

"Well, according to this Anders was possessed by a spirit of Justice. I had always thought that to be myth. You hear so many things about him and the champion, it seemed so unlikely."

"Go on."

"Well it seemed that they preformed the rite of tranquillity on him twice. First time was while the spirit was still inside him. It backfired and five men went into a coma and died shortly after. They then did a ritual on him to remove the spirit that resembled the ritual I have to perform. Three people were sent into the fade only one of them awoke. Apparently the spirit was very hostile and very strong. They then perform the rite again."

"Strange."

"Not as strange as the next part. Apparently after they had made him tranquil he kept on trying to escape and even without his magic he killed several templars."

"If he was tranquil why would he do that?"

"According to Jack Leroux, Anders' memories were causing this rebellious behaviour. Even though he felt nothing, there was something so important that he believed he had to run. In the end they preformed a ritual that removed his memories."

"I have heard of this ritual. How far back did they remove them?"

"It doesn't say... If I may ask, where are we going?"

"Too a safe house in Lydes. When we arrive we can perform the ritual and our business is concluded. We should get some rest."

And as suddenly as he had sat down Kristoff got up and went over to his bedroll.

The next day Susanna was deep in thought. Phillip was sitting behind her on the horse and was getting a little worried. He started to kiss and nibble her neck. She blushed and tried to suppress a giggle.

"Stop it. It tickles."

"I love it when I make you blush."

"That's because you are the only one who can make me."

"Indeed. What is on your mind?"

"Remember what I told you this morning about all the rituals preformed on Anders?"

"Yes... what about them?"

"Well, I just can't fathom why a tranquil would escape. The woman he loved was dead and he had no emotions or desire for freedom. What could be so important that even though he felt nothing he would try to run?"

"Habit? Perhaps he thought it logical to free mages?"

"Maybe..."

"Why don't you ask him? He is right over there you know. He might not remember, but perhaps he has a hunch."

"You're right."

Susanna jumped down from the horse and went over to Anders. Anders eyes widened a little when she asked to come up on to his horse, but he gave her his hand and lifted her up. She sat behind and then began.

"Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

"No."

"I wanted to know about this memory ritual. How much did it erase?"

"From what I could calculate about seven years."

"How long have you been tranquil?"

"About four years."

"So you remember nothing of what happened in Kirkwall?"

"I remember the first month I was there, but my memories after that are of being tranquil."

"Do you know what you did?"

"Yes, the templars reminded me quite often."

"I'm sorry."

"I feel nothing why would you feel sorry?"

"I just am."


	4. Chapter 4 Come back to me

4 Come back to me

It took three days, but they were finally at the safe house in Lydes. Here they were greeted by the most curious sight. What appeared to be a dalish elf came running towards them and as soon as Anders had stepped of his horse she threw her arms around him.

"It is so good to see you again, Lethillan."

"I must apologize I don't know you."

The elf looked confused and then looked at Kristoff.

"He doesn't remember, Merill. They removed his memories."

"Oh, Anders I am so terribly sorry. You must be tired all of you, come inside."

They went inside and Merill kept fussing about bringing them food and something to drink. She was a funny little thing, but there was such sincerity about that made Susanna fond of her very quickly. After they had eaten Kristoff went off to bed a suggested the rest did the same. Oran did immediately. Phillip asked Susanna if she was coming, but she wanted to talk to Merill so he kissed her goodnight and left the room. Susanna, Merill and Anders sat around the table. She told Merill about what happened to Anders and by Merills gentle strokes on Anders' back she knew that they must have been close at some point.

"So Merill, how do you know Anders?"

"I knew him when we lived in Kirkwall. Anders and I were both friends with Hawke."

"The champion?"

"Yes." Merill looked sad.

"We were friends in Kirkwall, then?" Anders asked.

"Not exactly no... but we did become friends during the rebellion."

"Why weren't we friends in Kirkwall?"

"We were often in disagreement... but you were only trying to protect me... We should get some rest before the ritual tomorrow."

"We will need three mages for the ritual and we are only two." Susanna replied.

"No. I am a mage to. That is why Kristoff send for me."

"How do you know Kristoff?"

"I met him shortly after Hawke... I'm sorry." Merill looked uncomfortable and avoided their gaze.

"It's alright. Perhaps it is time for bed. Goodnight."

The next day they prepared everything from the ritual. To Susanna's surprise Merill knew a lot about the ritual as well. She said they had used one very similar in Kirkwall while helping a young elven boy. Merill, Susanna and Kristoff would be going in to the fade while Oran would sustain the spell. Anders was laid down on the floor and a series of runes, which would protect from demons, were placed around him. Phillip kissed Susanna before starting the ritual. He was always nervous around these things... mostly because if something went wrong he was powerless to stop it.

They started the ritual and Susanna found herself standing in front of a keep of some sort with big bird statues in front of it.

"Where are we?"

"The viscounts keep in Kirkwall." Merill replied.

"Was this during the mage rebellion?"

"I don't think so... If this is what I think we better head inside."

The walk into the great building and up the stairs they could hear fighting coming from the room furthest away. When they entered Susanna saw a young woman with dark, almost black, hair in a ponytail. Her skin was pale and her movements were graceful. Susanna couldn't make out her face. She was fighting a large qunari. Susanna then saw Anders standing on the stairs watching. His face was beyond worried and tears were forming in his eyes. He had a tight grip on his staff. His emotions were written all over his face for everyone to see. He was the exact opposite to the man they had rescued a few days ago. You could see his caring, his concern and even in this state there was a sense of goodness about him. She had heard tales about his selfless nature, but to see him like this. It was as if everything about him was reviled. Susanna couldn't understand how this man could perform a massacre. He seemed so sensitive. She reminded herself that they were after all in the fade and this was the only place his emotions still existed. It was only natural that you would sense his emotions so strongly.

"What is going on?"

"It would make sense for this to be Anders' nightmare. That woman is... Hawke... She were duelling the Arishok to save Kirkwall and one of our friends. We were all forced to just stand by and do nothing while she fought for her life. Anders was terrified. He was always so protective of her. Fenris and Varric had to hold him back."

"He must have loved her very much."

"He did... He used to say that she was the only thing keeping him from going insane."

"We should move on. This is not where we will find the connection." Kristoff remarked coldly.

They went through a door in the back and continued down a long hallway.

"I wonder why he had that nightmare if he doesn't remember it." Susanna mused.

"He still has his memories they have just been... hidden away you might say." Merill replied.

"So he might regain his memories?"

"Hopefully."

They went through a door at the end of the hallway. The city was burning and there was a disturbing silence. Anders was sitting in front of them on a crate. Hawke was standing behind him with a knife drawn while a man in white armour was screaming. Susanna couldn't make out the words and the faces were blurry.

"What is going on?"

"This is when the rebellion started. Anders had just destroyed the chantry and Hawke had to decide his fate. That man is Sebastian Vael. He wanted Anders dead, but Hawke couldn't do it."

Hawke dropped the knife on the ground and threw her arms around Anders neck sobbing. Anders wrapped his arms around her and seemed to be murmuring things into her hair. The people standing behind them just watched. The man who supposedly was the prince of Stark Haven walked away angry. Susanna looked at Kristoff, but he didn't seem to take notice of anything and starred at the sky. Did nothing affect this man or was he trying to ignore everything. Was he tranquil? He did seem cold, but his voice, though calm and cold, didn't sound like a tranquil. What in the void had happened to this man to make him a husk? Kristoff was once again the one to tell them to move forward. The next nightmare was very different from the first. It was an empty dark cell, with no windows and Anders sat in a corner rocking back and forward as if he were going insane. He was chained and he had the chantry sun burned on his forehead. This was after the first attempt to make him tranquil then. Susanna felt as if she was about to cry. She had never seen a man look so broken. She jumped when Anders suddenly got up and seemed to try casting a spell. A little fire sparked in his hands and then it disappeared. He then charged directly into a wall with his head first. Was he trying to kill himself? He fell to the floor his face covered in blood and he cradled himself while screaming. Merill started to cry a little. Susanna held the elf close and turned her away from the sight. Kristoff had his back turned and seemed tense, but focused. Kristoff seemed to concentrate while mumbling something to himself that Susanna didn't understand and she couldn't figure out what he was doing. In that moment a spirit in full armour appeared. Susanna could feel that this spirit was very powerful and was relieved that it wasn't a demon. The spirit nodded at Kristoff and then turned to Merill.

"Hello Merill."

"Justice?"

"Yes... how are you? No blood magic I hope?"

"No I left that behind years ago... we are here to help Anders." Merill blushed and Susanna could see she was embarrassed. How could such a seemingly harmless person use blood magic?

"Yes... I will help you return his connection to the fade... I owe him that."

"You won't posses him again will you?"

"No, I don't wish to. Even if that was my desire I could not. There has been too much damage to my being."

Justice started to illuminate and a great flash appeared. They all awoke suddenly. Anders was looking around confused.

"Andrastes knickerweasels! That was even worse than I thought." He then started to laugh violently only to shortly after to crumble and cry. His breathing was heavy and he started to cradle himself as he had done in the fade. It was overwhelming for him and there was nothing anyone could do, but letting it pass. This wasn't as bad as other rituals Susanna had preformed, but he hadn't been tranquil for as long as some of the others she had treated. Merill kneeled down next to him and even Kristoff touched his shoulder gently.

"Do you know who I am Anders?"

"Yes, you are Merill, but I don't remember you. I only remember the things before Kirkwall and after they preformed the rite. It was horrible. It was like eating without being able to taste the flavours. Observing, but not really participating."

"You need to rest Anders. Let us get you to bed and then we can talk later."

-OOO-

Anders slept for half a day, but then came down. Merill had prepared a **lot **of food and Susanna wondered how they were going to eat it all. When Anders saw the feast his eyes widened and he started to lick his lips. Phillip and Susanna looked at each other. They had never seen anyone eat so fast and so much in their lives. How could this skinny man eat so much? When he got to the pie he almost swallowed it whole.

"I wasn't aware this was an eating contest. There is still going to be pie tomorrow you know." Phillip smiled.

"Hey, two things about me you need to know. One I have a gray warden appetite and two I have had a pie-less existence. I am merely making up for everything that I have missed." Anders replied.

"So if you don't mind me asking, how did you end up being possessed by a spirit?" Susanna asked

"Well, short version. I was with the gray wardens and Justice was trapped outside the fade. He first possessed a dead warden and when the body began to decay I offered to share mine. He was my friend and he needed a host. From what I can remember it didn't turn out that well." There was a little remorse in his voice.

"It was very brave of you. We can all make mistakes, but I would rather make a mistake in the desire to do good, than making none at all." Susanna smiled and Anders gave a suggestive smirk.

"Kind, wise and beautiful. You must have made a d... OUCH!"

Kristoff had slapped Anders in the back of the head and pie had smeared all over his face. Phillip gave a loud laugh and Susanna giggled. Apparently Kristoff wasn't tranquil... not any more at least.

"What did you do that for?"

"You were being inappropriate. That behaviour is unbecoming and perhaps it would be wise for you to wait a while before you indulged in **all** what you have missed."

"You sound just like Justice. All I want is a descent meal, a pretty girl and the right to shoot lightning at fools. What is wrong with that?" Anders grumbled while touching the back of his head.

"Then you should make yourself worthy of these things, instead of trying to claim them in such a fashion... and if you want to fool to shoot I would suggest looking in the mirror."

"Hey! That was uncalled for."

"Don't you want justice for mages Anders?" Merill asked with a hint of concern.

"Of course I do... But look where it has gotten me so far. I killed a bunch of people, corrupted my friend, lost seven years of my life and was made tranquil. By the way I thought the war was over."

"There is still a lot of work to be done. We need to help the world to trust us so that we can rebuild." Susanna argued.

"And you think the person who blew up a chantry full of people will encourage people to trust mages? Look I am thankful for all you have done for me, but I need to sort out a lot of things. Like getting the seven years back I lost."

"I think I can help with that. I have some of your old journals. It is only from the first three years in Kirkwall, but it's a start. I have been keeping them safe for you." Merill smiled.

"Thank you, Merill... Hey Phillip what is wrong with you?"

Phillip was shaking uncontrollably and fell to the floor. He was turning pale and coughing as if he was about to throw up while mumbling incoherently. Susanna kneeled down next to him.

"Oh, love. You haven't been taking your lyrium." Susanna stated as held him and stroked his hair.

"There wasn't any more... My sources can't supply me anymore. I didn't know we would be gone for this long."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to worry you."

"Here take this." Kristoff handed him a vial of lyrium and Anders went to check on Phillips health.

"Isn't there anything we can do for him? We must be able to get lyrium somewhere." Susanna's eyes were tearing.

"I can get some, but because of the rebellion the illegal lyrium trade has become... unreliable. The Coterie and Carta are the only ones who deal in it and they always hold out for the highest bidder. That is not you I'll take it. Eventually it is going to become a serious problem for you, unless you rejoin the chantry or one of the templar factions."

"Never." Phillip whispered

"Then we must find another way. Can we get him of the lyrium addiction somehow?"

"I don't think so. The withdrawal is often fatal and those who do survive go... well... crazy." Anders replied

"Oh no... Then we have to find some more... there must be a way." She started to cry.

"There might be something... I am leaving to find the Urn of Sacred ashes. You can accompany me. I can't guarantee anything, but I can acquire lyrium enough for the journey." Kristoff answered. Susanna looked at Phillip and then nodded in responds. Anders and Susanna helped Phillip up and started to give him something for the symptoms. Kristoff got up and left the room and went up to his room. He sat down at the desk and took out the maps to find the best route to the south of the Frostback mountains. He found it difficult to concentrate and were clinging his firsts.

"_You are annoyed."_

"_Of course I am annoyed. Didn't you hear him?"_

"_I did."_


	5. Chapter 5 Forgotten

5 Forgotten

Anders went to his room. All of this was so difficult to come to terms with. He knew all the terrible things he had done, but had no memories of it. All he could remember were templars taunting him, spitting at him and threatening him over the past four years. He didn't know why they had bothered since he had been tranquil at the time. He looked in the mirror and saw he mark that would forever be burned into his forehead. He hadn't felt anything at the time, but now he could feel the annoyance and anger. Luckily with Justice gone he could once again hide behind a veil of humour and sarcasm. He kind of missed Justice. Even though it had gone horribly wrong and he only remembered being merged with him a short period he missed him. Perhaps he just missed any friend at all. He had lost everything and he couldn't even remember all that he had lost. Anders remembered that the templars had tried to taunt him with the abuses and death of a woman who they claimed he loved. Maybe it was something they had invented in order to torment him? He had a hard time picturing himself in love. Sure there had been a lot of women and infatuations, but love? He looked at the diaries. Did he even wish to know? He then remembered the last thing he did in Kirkwall. He was planning on rescuing Karl. He needed to know if he succeeded. He went to his bed and opened the book and found the last date he could remember. The books had been enchanted in case templars had gotten their hands on it and only Anders knew how to open them.

"_I haven't heard from Karl in over two weeks. I fear what they have done to him. The circle in Kirkwall is worse than in Ferelden and I can feel Justice raging inside me like a mad beast. I have send word to Karl to meet me in the Chantry tomorrow night."_

He remembered this entry and turned to the next.

"_Everything is ready for tonight. A young woman, named Hawke, came into my clinic today. I almost attacked her and her companions. Paranoia is taking its hold on me and I am constantly on edge. They were looking for maps into the Deep roads. They must either be very skilled, desperate or crazy to go down there. In any case the Hawke woman seemed both honourable and kind. I made a deal with her that if she helps me with freeing Karl I'll give her the maps. Funny thing is, she didn't even hesitate. I almost fell over backwards when she said that mages should be free and were falsely prosecuted. She was clearly not a mage so why would she care? Perhaps if someone like her believes in the cause of mages it is not as hopeless an endeavour as I thought. It seems that my fortune is about to change."_

So that was how he had met this Hawke. Risky putting so much trust in someone he had just met, but he didn't have much choice. Anders continued to read a later entry the same day. The penmanship was ragged and rushed.

"_Well, I was wrong. My fortune has defiantly not change. Karl was made tranquil and was part of an ambush to capture me. If I haven't had Hawke with me they would probably have succeeded. Or maybe not since Justice decided to enter the fray. He is getting more and more difficult for me to control. Justice however seems to affect tranquil, so that Karl regained himself for a minute. He begged me to kill him and I did. I was too late. It was my fault. I will never make that mistake again, I must fight even harder to make sure no one else suffers his fate._

_The Hawke girl surprised me. She saw what I am, but she didn't seem scared of me. I had to tell her about Justice and I fully expected her to run away in fear. But she apparently doesn't seize to amaze. She stood there patiently letting me explain and she was comforting, reassuring and kind. As was her sister, Bethany. I have learned that Bethany is an apostate, so that explains Hawke's comment earlier today. I have given her maps to the deep roads and offered to come with her. It would be too dangerous for them to go without a warden. So is this my future? Darkspawn and tranquil? I wonder how long I will last before this insanity takes me."_

Karl was made tranquil despite his effort and was killed by his hand. Anders felt sick. If all his memories in Kirkwall were like this he was not sure he wanted to remember. He decided to look for an entry where is penmanship was neat. Perhaps there would be a pleasant memory.

"_I helped Hawke track down a mage boy who had been taken by slavers. Poor lad was being hunted by templars his mother had sent after him. She was doing it with her best intentions, but then again all people claim they do. She did seem worried about her son and she didn't know of any other option. When we found him he told us he wanted to go to the dalish so they could help him with his magic and he would escape the Gallows. Hawke encouraged him to go and even offered to take him there. _

_On our way back to Kirkwall she smiled at me. It is the warmest smile I have ever seen. Her laugh and smile is intoxicating and you can't help, but smile in return. Her smile lights up this darkness I find myself living in and I am starting to believe that everyone around her feels that way. She gives people hope, even that annoying elf, Fenris, she knows. Maker, I swear if it wasn't because he was a friend of Hawke's I would beat him until he begged me to stop. I have a hunch that he feels the same about me. If I hear one more word about how his former, evil, magister master is the reason why all mages should be locked up I am going to lose all self control. How Varric, Isabela and Hawke can tolerate his brooding I will never know."_

Well, this was a happier memory at least. They had achieved some good, but it seemed that he was still feeling frustrated. This elf must really have annoyed him. Anders stood up and by accident he knocked over the three diaries. One of them fell open on a page that seemed to have read often. The corner of the page was dented and there were what looked like tearstains on the page. Did he want to read this? He looked at it for awhile, but then curiosity got the better of him. The book was from his third year in Kirkwall.

"_I almost kissed her today. Maker! She is so wonderful and it is a torment. After Bethany was taking by the circle she has been keeping herself occupied every second of the day. I am worried that she is breaking down. I know she feels like she failed her sister, but she didn't. I wish I could hold her and comfort her until all her doubts disappeared._

_Justice is cross with me. He likes Marian, but he keeps reminding me that I am distracted while around her. I think he is afraid that my love for her will overshadow my determination to free the mages. Sometimes I think he might be right. Even so I can't help flirting with her and then the next moment I will succumb to the fear of hurting her. Justice tells me that it is unjust for me to treat her this way and he is right... but I can't help myself._

_She has spent a lot time in my clinic lately. She has been cleaning people's wounds, helping me making potions and salves. A man came in today from the bone pit mine. He had a small pieces of glass stuck in his shoulder. Marian removed them gently with her nibble fingers without him feeling a thing. Those elegant, tiny fingers does everything with finesse that is unlike anything I have seen. How I envied the man every touch she gave him... void I even envy the lock she picks and the traps she disarms. Just thinking about her makes my entire body ache as if my heart is being pulled out of chest trying to get closer to her. I try to imagine her to ease the pain, trying to comfort my body with the images of her._

_I imagine her fingers running down my chest and through my hair. While my own hands holding her by her waist and pulling her close. I envision my mouth kissing the soft, pale skin on her neck, while taking in the scent of her. She always smells like vanilla and in my mind she taste just as sweet. I imagine my hands releasing her hair from her ponytail and let her long, dark, brown hair fall down as my fingers run through it. I can see myself kissing her mouth and her pulling me close never wanting to let go. Everything I do is for her. Taking of her clothes, kissing her all the places that will make her gasp. Tenderly caressing her so that she will feel loved and worshipped. Taking my time loving her slowly so that she will smile for me, the one that makes her green eyes light up and her pupils dilate so they almost turn black._

_Her kindness and compassion is the only thing keeping me sane. The only thing that gives me hope. I love her and as much as I try to keep away from her, try to warn her and keep her at a distance... she knows. She has to know I love her. How could she not? It is written all over my face and when she smiles at me I know that if I were to kiss her, I will never be able to let go. I haven't confessed my love for her and I can't. I can never put her before the plight of mages and I will do nothing, but hurting her in the process. The worst part is that she accepts this as well. She always understands and it is slowly destroying the last resolve I have._

_Marian, love, can't you see I wish you all the happiness I can't give you? I will bring freedom to mages so no one else will have to suffer this. In the future someone like me will be able to love someone as wonderful and lovely as you without fear."_

This Marian must have been something else. He had been obsessed with her and from what he wrote it sounded like he would die without her. Anders guessed that Hawke and Marian must be the same person. The templars hadn't been lying about him loving her. Anders couldn't remember a time where he had been so determined to keep someone else safe from harm. Well, he had done things for the greater good when he was with the wardens, like helping the warden-commander defending Amaranthine. But this was different. He pushed his own desires aside just to keep her safe. Justice must have changed him more than he realised. What was worse according to the rumours he had failed. She had been killed because she protected him. Anders felt guilt and remorse wash over him. He didn't want to remember. He knew enough. He would start over and enjoy the seventeen years he had left... maybe less. Maker! He was 37 now! His blood ran cold. He didn't want to die, not after all that he had survived. But he had so limited time left, how could he rebuild his life and be able to enjoy it? And what kind of life did he even want? He could rejoin the wardens, but after what happened with Rolan that thought wasn't tempting. _"Wait... the others were going to the sacred ashes. Perhaps, that could cure the taint at least. I could have a long life. Well, unless all the people who want me dead find me first."_ That would at least give him some time to figure out his life and what to do with it.

-OOO-

When he came down the next morning he seemed almost cheerful. If you knew Anders you would know that his humour, sarcasm and regardless attitude were a defence mechanism. This was a far different Anders than the one who shared his body with Justice. When they had been joined his emotions were so close to the surface. His anger, despair and fear written all over his face. He remembered what it felt like. How difficult it was to keep his emotions buried because of Justice. He wondered what had happened to Justice. Merill had said that they saw him in the fade. That was good... then he was where he belonged. The others looked at him as he came into the sitting room whistling.

"What are you so happy about?" Oran asked.

"Well, I am not tranquil for one and then there is the pretty company." Anders winked at Susanna.

"Good point." Oran laughed.

"You do seem very cheerful for someone who is being hunted for murder." Phillip remarked annoyed.

"That's me, always looking on the bright side."

"Since when?" Kristoff grumbled.

"I am sorry do I know you? From what I gathered so far shouldn't we just have met?" Anders glared at him.

"Well, you wouldn't remember if you met me before now would you?"

"You know that chip on your shoulder? It has definitely replaced your head."

"Well at least something is where my head should be. I am not sure that could be said in your case."

"That's enough gentlemen. Please... Have some breakfast, Anders." Susanna interrupted.

Kristoff sat in a corner and Anders swore that he was glowering under that mask of his. What was that guy's problem? Anders remembered hearing about him while he was a templar servant (the thought made him sick). This man should have made templars lives a living nightmare. They should be allies at the very least, but Anders had hardly been himself for two days and already this guy hated the sight of him. Anders started to eat breakfast, even food tasted better after being tranquil for so long. You could taste the flavours of course, but you couldn't appreciate them.

"So... when are you leaving for these ashes?" Anders asked between bites.

"Tomorrow morning. As soon as I have the lyrium I need for the journey. Why?" Phillip answered coldly.

"Because, I am coming with you."

"What?" Phillip didn't want him to come. He didn't mind Anders so much just the flirting with Susanna.

"Why?" Kristoff asked.

"Because I want to see if the ashes can cure me of my... memory loss." He couldn't tell them about the taint.

"I think that is a good idea. Having a healer along could be nice for a change." Susanna smiled.

"I am a bit rusty, but I will do my best."

Kristoff got up and told them he was going to prepare for their journey tomorrow. He avoided Anders' gaze and went out the room. When he got to his room he started pacing. After he had found out about Anders' memory loss he had hoped that Anders would remain behind. But he was always getting himself into something, couldn't relax and certainly couldn't sit by and be idle. **That** hadn't changed.

"_You were too hard on him. It was not just to treat him that way."_

"_I know... It's just finding him and reversing the rite... I thought it would be different."_

"_You mean you thought __**he**__ would be different."_

"_Well, yes... This is not the man who risked everything for mage freedom. That man is a fool!"_

"_You give him too little credit. He is still there, he just has more control."_

"_Unless he is around women or food... Being possessed must have changed him more than I thought."_

"_Surely you don't wish him to be possessed again?"_

"_No, of course not. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to imply..."_

"_I certainly hope not."_


	6. Chapter 6 Masks

6 Masks

They said goodbye to Merill the next day and where off. Oran and Anders seemed to get along very well. The conversation between them where hilarious and had a touch of insanity. Susanna suspected that Anders needed to laugh now more than ever. Especially, while he didn't have the memories of all the terrible things that happened to him in Kirkwall. Who knew how he would react when he finally remembered. Kristoff kept a good distance in front of the others and she noticed that he didn't seem quite as... emotionless as before after Anders' rite was reversed. Perhaps something in the fade had triggered something. Then finally Oran couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer.

"So do you remember the Champion?"

"I remember almost nothing about my time in Kirkwall."

"Shame... She was supposed to be a beauty... I can't imagine how a mage living in a sewer could shag her."

"Well, I am charming."

"I bet she must have been bendy. Rogues always are you know." Oran winked.

"I don't see how that is any of your business."

Anders snapped and rode ahead. He might not remember, but from what he read in those diaries and the templars taunting of him... well it was enough for that comment to hit a sore spot he didn't knew existed. Both Phillip and Susanna gave Oran an angry look, but he just shrugged. Anders grew silent for a while, but started to stare at Kristoff. The man was odd and Anders' felt that he was a little too familiar with him, than he would like. When Anders regained his spirits he decided to get some information by teasing Kristoff. Perhaps he could provoke a responds and answers to questions he didn't know what was.

"You know you remind me a lot of, Justice."

"Justice?"

"The spirit who possessed me."

"So you mentioned."

"The body he had before he merged with me, his name had been Kristoff. Now, isn't that just odd?"

"Are you assuming that all who are named Kristoff or have some sort of relation to a Kristoff, doesn't like you?"

"Not that they don't like me. Just that they like to lecture me with self-righteous arguments. I am beginning to think you are Justice or a distant cousin perhaps?"

"Didn't you say Justice was your friend?"

"He was... a good one."

"Well I am not your friend so therefore I can't be Justice." Kristoff snapped.

"You're right. You are nothing like him. Justice was far nicer than you." Anders groaned.

"Why are you searching for the ashes, Kristoff?" Susanna tried in an attempt change the subject.

"I have a relative who suffers from, what you might call a genetic disease. There is no known cure so I need to find a miracle. It was also the price for getting the information I needed to send you and Phillip to investigate Anders' location."

"Is it fatal... your relative's disease I mean?"

"Yes, and it is a prolonged illness."

"I am sorry. Don't worry I am sure we will find them."

"Thank you. I hope they will be able to help you as well." Kristoff said in a kind voice. Susanna smiled. This was the first time she had seen him capable of a positive emotion.

"How do you know where they are? I thought the chantry kept the location secret." Phillip asked.

"They do, but a friend of mine has been there and gave me directions."

"I thought the only one to be there was the Hero of Ferelden?"

"That is correct."

"You know Alyssa Amell?" Anders asked. What was it with this man knowing everyone who he knew? Could this be Justice? Had he found another corpse and was hiding under that amour? No. Merill said she saw him in the fade while Kristoff was present. But he was defiantly starting to creep Anders out.

"Yes, I do. People always talk about how brave she is, but it is really her kindness that sets her apart."

"You can say that again. I don't know how she did it, but she always seemed to get along with everyone. Even that drunken dwarf, Ogrhen. Do you know him Kristoff?"

"I have known many drunken dwarfs, but not that one."

-OOO-

They finally arrived at the border in Ferelden. While riding through the mountain pass a wave of arrows came down. The Carta jumped out on them. Oran quickly made the earth under them shake while Susanna froze them in place. Phillip charged in and almost severed one of them. Anders threw one of the largest fireballs Susanna had ever seen. He was really as powerful as the rumours said and he should be an even more gifted healer. Kristoff jumped in behind the leader and cut his throat only to disappear in a cloud of smoke. That man was everywhere at once or seemed to be. When the ambush was over Oran ran after the horses who had been scared of. Fortunately they hadn't gone far. It was only then they realised that Kristoff had fallen to the ground with a viscous cut to his stomach and an arrow stuck near his collarbone. Anders ran to him and kneeled beside him.

"It is bad, but I can heal it. We need to make camp for tonight, he will need to rest."

Susanna nodded and ran to Oran. Both of them quickly found a place to camp and rolled out a bedroll for Kristoff. Phillip carried Kristoff to the camp. It was amazing how small that man was. Oran started a fire and then went for some more wood with Susanna, while Phillip took care of the horses. Anders started to examine Kristoff and decided that the cut to his stomach was the most important. He then started removing the amour until he could see the skin. He was wearing a breast band and Anders' eye grew wide _"Wait? What?"._

"You are a woman?"

Kristoff removed her mask. He looked at her pale face and her long dark hair. She had a small slightly round nose and a round face. Her eyes, though they were in pain, seemed kind and gentle. She was beautiful.

"No kidding. Are you going to heal me or keep starring at me?" She grumbled.

"Oh... sorry... of course. I'll get right on that."

Maker, he was good at healing. She had almost forgotten how soothing he could be.

"So what is your name? I am guessing it is not Kristoff."

"No my name is Hawke... Bethany Hawke."

"Related to the champion I take it."

"I'm her sister."

Anders could have hit himself. It all made sense now. How she knew about his past and knew people that he used to know. He felt himself ashamed. That was why she had been so cross with him when he had flirted with Susanna. Seeing her sister's lover flirting with another woman must have upset her. It would also explain why she seemed so angry or cold even. She had lost as much as Anders had, but she remembered it, while he was just fooling around. Anders felt as if he was the most incentive ass in all the history of Thedas. She was mentioned in some of the diary entries. She must have been the one to give them to Merill then? When the others returned they were stunned to find out about Kristoff's identity. When she was healed Susanna asked.

"So what should we call you? You have so many names now, that I am getting confused."

"Hawke will do fine."

"Wasn't that what your sister was called?" Anders wanted to hit himself again. Why didn't he think before he spoke? At least Justice had held that part of his personality in check.

"It was... But after what happened with you... I... it was..." She lost her words.

"It was as if being called her name would keep her alive." Susanna stated.

They were silent for a few moments when Hawke spoke again.

" I am sorry for my deception, but I have very little family and friends left. I need to protect them and the best way to do that was by hiding who I am. It is paramount that no one knows who I am. This is the only way I can help the mages and protect those I love."

"I understand." Susanna smiled.

"Wait, aren't you a mage? You don't have the brand so you are not really tranquil are you?" Anders asked.

"That's... a long story with some very painful memories. I would rather not discuss it."

"Sorry I didn't mean too..."

"It's alright, Anders. I know you didn't."

"Well, I think I am going to get some sleep are you coming Phillip?" Susanna said as she stood up. Phillip nodded and made Oran understand the hint to do the same. Susanna and Phillip knew that Anders and Hawke needed to talk. Anders was feeling awkward and grateful at the same time. When he was satisfied that the others was asleep, he mastered his courage to ask what he had been pondering for days.

"Do you know why I did it?"

"Destroy the chatry?"

"Yes... I know things with Justice and where bad, but I never thought..."

"None of us know what we are capable of when we are desperate. Fortunately only few of us ever find out. Do you remember how bad Kirkwall was? I heard you say you remember some of it."

"I remember my first month in Kirkwall. It was terrible how suppressed mages were."

"It was, but over the six years you lived there it became worse. Much worse. All the mages were desperate, not just you and our options seemed limited."

"There must have been a better way than blowing up a chantry?"

"You tried to find a better way. Over and over again you tried to convince people, but they wouldn't listen. At least not those who had the power to change it. That was why you chose the chantry as your target. The Grand Cleric had the power to change things, but she wanted the mages and templars to figure out their differences on their own."

"How would she get that idea?"

"She was an optimist, who believed that the only way of proving to the maker that we were worthy of him, was by passively accepting what happened around us rather than trying to actively change it. She might have been right if it hadn't been for the fact that Knight-commander Meredith went insane. There was no way to reason with her."

"What happened? The templars never gave me a very detailed description of that part."

"No I guess they wouldn't. Not exactly a proud moment for the order. When you went to the deeproads you found a cursed lyrium Idol... it's a long story, but the idol was snatched by our friend Varric's brother. He then sold it to the Knight-commander who got the great idea of melting into a sword. After you destroyed the chantry we went to the Gallows were she lost the last sanity she had left. She was completely possessed by the idol. I have never seen anything quite like it." The cold sarcasm in her voice made Anders wonder if she even knew how to smile.

"Must have been some show."

"That it was..." Her eyes drifted and she seemed to be caught in a memory. He didn't want to ask, but part of him had to.

"I am sorry if this will hurt you, but I have to ask. Do you know if... were I at least good to her before I did all those things?"

"_Tell him."_

She hesitated.

"Anders... I have never seen anyone so in love as you were with her. No one could have loved her as much as you did. Those years you lived with her was the happiest she had ever been."

"She is dead then?"

"I..."

"_Tell him."_

"I don't know. I should get some sleep. Goodnight Anders."

She stood up and walked towards her tent.

"_You didn't tell him."_

"_I couldn't."_


	7. Chapter 7 Nightmares

7 Nightmares

Varric heard a scream and sat up. He tried to catch his breath and remain calm. You would think that he would be use to this by now. He stood up and lit the candle at that moment Lea came running towards him crying and holding him close. He held her and stroked her hair.

"Nightmare again?"

"They are so scary, Varric... They are so many..." She sobbed.

"I know, Shadow. Do you want to hear a story to help you forget?"

Still sobbing and tears running down her face, she nodded. He lifted her onto his bed. He wondered how long he would be able to do that. Humans grew so fast. He always worried about her nightmares, no child should have those. The monsters she described were so horrible that even Varric found it unnerving.

"Will you tell the one about my name?"

"Of course, Shadow. Almost four years ago I was sitting right in this suite with Isabela and Fenris playing wicked grace. Fenris suddenly got up and grabbed a hooded elf by the arm. He had sneaked in with our any of us noticing. When we asked what he wanted he said he was here to make a delivery. Then we heard a baby cry and the elf took off before we could stop him. And there in shadows in the far corner was a basket with you in it. I took care of you and ever since you could walk you have always been hiding under beds and cabinets. I'll never forget one time when you startled Fenris. That broody elf have faced down many foes, but you are the first one to ever scare him like that. You are the best at hiding and as long as you are in the shadows no one can find you."

"Varric?"

"Yes?"

"Who are my parents?"

Varric chocked. He had no answer for her, none that he could give her and certainly none that a four year old would understand. He had dreaded this day... this was his nightmare.

"I am not sure. Maybe you are a lost princess? Would you like to be a princess?"

What else could he do than try to change to subject and he was relieved when she giggled. Then she looked at him sleepily and said.

"I hope they were good... and brave... like the champion."

"I think they were, Shadow. I think they were."

-OOO-

Anders woke up suddenly. His heart beating violently and his breath failing him. He kept having nightmares about being tranquil as if dreams of dark spawn weren't enough. He rubbed his forehead and felt the brand. It was horrible to feel it and no healing magic in the world could ever remove it. He could get a tattoo to cover it, but he doubted that it would help. He tried to take comfort in the fact that he wasn't the only one... it didn't help. He needed to take his mind of it. He looked at his backpack and took out the diaries. Then he noticed that the last one had a different penmanship and not his own. It was also a later date than the others it was dated back a little over five years ago. It belonged to Marian Hawke. Should he read it? It had been given to him of course, but he felt like he was intruding. On the other hand the person who wrote this was dead. His curiosity got the better of him. He read and mostly came over some trivial descriptions about what she had been doing. He was mentioned a few times, but nothing important came up. Then he found a very long entry that caught his attention.

"_Anders asked me to help him find some ingredients today. He said it was for a potion to separate him and Justice. I couldn't help feeling that he was hiding something, but I figured he didn't want to worry me. He is always so protective of me and I love him for it, but sometimes I wish he would share his burden with me. He doesn't have to go through all of this alone. I am worried about him. Not just because he seems so sad and worried, but the Knight-commander Meredith is becoming more and more paranoid and is hunting the mages relentlessly. The worst part is that the mages she catches are not the ones who are a danger to the city. She torments the mages that are already locked in the Gallows as well as harmless apostates, while blood mages are allowed to run around tormenting the city. Why can't she see that the reason there are so many blood mages is because her tyranny is creating them? Meredith gave me an indirect threat last week. The threat was concerning Bethany. I don't know what I will do if she hurts her. And worse what if she goes after Anders next? I can't lose him. He is the only one left in my life that loves me. He makes me feel so loved and I find myself gaining strength when I make him feel loved. I haven't told Anders, but I have made all the preparations for a quick escape should the templars come for him. I have even accepted Isabela's offer to join her crew. If they come for him, Isabela said she would be ready to take us away from here. Anders is at his clinic now, when he is done for today we will get the ingredients for this potion._

_I am afraid. I am selfish. I can see that both Anders and Justice are suffering, but a part of me don't want them to be separated. I love him (them) just as he is and despite Justice's violent tendencies he has a passion and determination that drives all that is good in him. His caring for the helpless and oppressed. I sometimes even believe that Justice is the part of him that is so determent to protect me. I guess I am just worried that he won't be __**my**__ Anders any longer. But all this is selfish of me. I should be happy that they are able to find peace. Perhaps then Anders won't be so worried."_

He had not been exaggerating when he had written about her kindness. She worried about everyone else, but herself. Even the part where she had described herself as being selfish warmed his heart. He had wondered how he could fall in love but now... How could anyone love him so much? He turned to the next entry.

"_I went to Anders clinic today. I don't know whether to be relieved or worried. The ingredients weren't for a potion. He won't tell me what they are for. He is protecting me he says. "I promise whatever happens it will be on my head. It will not come back on you." My love, why can't you understand that your life is more important than my own? But I guess you do, since that is the same way you feel about me._

_He asked me to help him to get inside the chantry unnoticed and of course I did. I don't know what he is planning and he won't tell me. I trust him and that has to be enough. He joked once that he wanted the Knight-commanders head on a spike, but I believe now that if he were to ask me in all sincerity that I would do anything to make it happen. I am starting to scare myself. When I think about protecting him and Bethany I believe myself capable of almost anything. Am I becoming as desperate as the mages? I wonder if it is the same fear that Anders has when Justice takes over. They unawareness of what we are capable of._

_He is starting to frighten me. He hinted several times today that he was going to die. He told me that he loved me and that I am the most important thing in his life, but that something's matter more than his life and our love. He is right. I wish he wasn't, but he is. I just hope that he realises that though love isn't important in the grand scheme of things, love is what makes us capable of dealing with the things that are. I guess one could argue that it would make love the most important thing."_

He had actually involved her in destroying the chantry? Had he betrayed her trust? Maybe reading these diaries weren't such a good idea. Anders could feel himself aching for her. He didn't remember her and couldn't even picture her face, but knowing how much he had loved her and she had loved him was enough to make him wish he could hold her. The book had a scent he didn't notice before. The scent of vanilia. Suddenly he could remember flashes. He could hear her laugh ringing in his mind and the feel of the skin on her back. He remembered how soft her hair was and even the taste of her mouth when he had kissed her. He almost threw the book away. He couldn't do this. He didn't want to torment himself. She was dead because of his actions and he didn't want to remember the heartache that he knew had to be al consuming. He lay back down and now the darkspawn filled dreams seemed preferable.

Bethany looked at Anders. His stirring had woken her. For a moment he looked like the man she knew in Kirkwall and almost felt guilty for being angry with him earlier. He had so much pain in his past. She should have been happy that he had changed and was able to let go. Perhaps she was envious that she couldn't let go? She almost chuckled to herself at how silly he seemed. She had seen glances of it in Kirkwall, but now it seemed to consume him. She had forgotten his laugh and smile.

"_You should have told him."_

"_He is tormented enough. He doesn't need the burden."_

"_How do you know it will add to his burden? Maybe it will lessen it."_

"_It is something he doesn't remember. Maybe it is best that way. Phillip could have been right about him not wanting his emotions back. Thankfully he doesn't have his memories."_

"_Those memories are essential. It is who he is."_

"_I will not risk hurting him."_

"_Hurting him or hurting you?"_

"_I don't know anymore... this is difficult for me."_

"_I am sorry... I should try to comfort you not lecture you. I am here for you, whatever you need."_


	8. Chapter 8 Mementos

8 Mementos

Walking through the city made him feel nervous... more than he had in a long time and he wasn't sure why. There were no mages or Tevinter slavers. There was no one hunting him or even searching for him, but he felt uneasy. He didn't like being summoned as if he was a servant or a slave, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. Stark Haven was what he had once believed would be the only true way to make sure people were safe. There were hardly any mages and those that were there were locked up. One of the only places in Thedas were that was still tolerated without having an angry mob storming the city, but it was probably only a matter of time. He had been shown the prison earlier today by one of Prince Sebastian Vael's ranking officers. It had probably been Sebastian's way of showing him that they were of one mind. That might have been true years ago, but now. He wasn't so sure any more. Anders had once claimed that mages were slaves and imprisoned. He had dismissed it as being oppression, but after seeing that prison he didn't know what to believe. They were locked in cells and some of them collard like a qunari sarabass. They were only released when they were needed for a certain task. He could sympathize and that was something he'd thought he would never do. He finally arrived at the keep. Sebastian had certainly changed a lot. For someone who had once foresworn worldly pleasure, he certainly had enough of it now. He arrived at the gate and was held back by a guard as he handed him his summoning.

"My name is Fenris. I was summoned by prince Vael."

The guard nodded and led him inside the keep. He didn't like being surrounded by so many guards. What did Sebastian want with him? He had certainly gone through enough trouble to find him after all these years. He was led into a great hall and was greeted by Sebastian who had a friendly smile on his face.

"Fenris. It is good to see you. How are you old friend?"

"I am well enough your majesty."

"Oh, there is no need for that... Sebastian will do just fine. I have some wine, would you like some?"

"Yes, thank you. You finally got your throne back."

"Yes, it was hard work to get here. I was sorry to subject so many people to war."

"From what I hear your predecessor was doing poorly. You have improved the lot for many of your people."

"I have tried. The maker has given me the strength and wisdom to make a home worthy of my people. I serve them as best I can. Now that there is peace I don't seem as important and I am grateful for that."

"Don't your people need a strong and present leader?"

"During war, absolutely. But now where there is peace the city rules itself and I hope for that peace to last."

"Let us hope so. What is the purpose of me coming here? I am assuming it wasn't meant as a way to reminisce?"

"Indeed not. You are difficult to find, my friend. I am surprised Danarius succeeded so often."

"He was rather persistent. I guess I have been accustomed to hiding. It is difficult for me not to."

"I understand. Now the reason you are here... Do you know if the rumours about Hawke are true?"

"I... haven't seen her since the templars announced her dead if that is what you are asking?" Fenris choked. Hawke had been a dear friend. His only friend. If Sebastian brought her up this wouldn't be pleasant. Fenris had supported Hawke to the end while Sebastian had felt betrayed.

"It saddens me to hear. She was truly a kind person and I am sorry for her loss."

"I didn't think you were too fond of her after what happened in Kirkwall."

"I was angry for a while, but my anger was not at her. She did seem sincerely surprised when..._Anders_ massacred all those people... and Elthina. I still have nightmares about it."

Fenris didn't respond. What could he say? He knew how much Elthina had meant to him. He had himself thought it strange that Hawke had let Anders live, but he believed that had any of her companions been the one to do it she wouldn't have killed them either. After all she did spare Isabela from the qunari. Hawke was always merciful when given the chance. Why would Sebastian have expected anything else? Sebastian continued.

"Did you hear what happened to Anders?"

"Last I heard he was made tranquil. I guess he got his punishment. He feared that even more than death."

"Punishment? That wasn't punishment. That was merciful. I wonder what makes people so eager to spare that monster. Never mind... I have had news that he was freed from the templars two weeks ago. He was probably freed by some rebel mages. That reminds me. What did you think of my arrangement for the mages?"

"It was... impressive."

"I am glad you think so. Some say my methods are extreme, but after I saw what Anders did I knew none of them can be trusted. He was a healer after all and did a lot of good. He might even have been decent if it wasn't for that spirit of his. But to my point. I swore to bring Elthina justice, but because of the templars that hasn't been possible. The templars have given up on finding him since he is probably in one of the countries were mages are free now."

"And you want me to do what? Track him down?"

"You are the only one of our former companions that agreed with me in this matter. I doubt the others would help me. I do not wish you to track him down. I have already sent men to Ferelden and Nevarra. I doubt he is foolish enough to come to the Free Marches. No I need something that will bring him to me. Something he holds dear. I was hoping that Hawke was still alive, but now I will need something else. Would you do this for me? I will make sure that you a rewarded."

Fenris hesitated.

"I am sorry, but he and I never got along. Besides Hawke I know of nothing beyond his cause that he cared for."

"Perhaps you could make some inquiries from our former associates?"

"Ah ah... I'm sorry, but I am not getting involved with this again. I have enough trouble."

"I understand. I am sorry to have troubled you to come all this way. Would you like to stay for a few days?"

"Thank you for the offer, but I have something that I must attend to."

"Very well. Farewell my friend."

"Same to you."

Fenris went out of the great hall. A woman climbed down from the shadow above in an elegant catlike movement. She was dressed in black leather that clung to her body revealing every form of her body, but the bottom half of her face covered only revealing her green eyes. Her movements were silent and even so Sebastian was not surprised by her presence as she came up next to him.

"It wasn't as fruitful as you had hoped your Grace?"

"No... I must admire their loyalty. I want you to follow him, Drea."

"As you wish, your Grace."

"You must find what I seek, but I would prefer to cause them as little harm as possible... If death cannot be avoided so be it."

The woman bowed and then set out to follow Fenris. Sebastian sat down at the table. He then reached in under his shirt and pulled out a medallion with the holy symbol of Andraste and opened it. To small paintings were revealed. One of Grand Cleric Elthina and one of Hawke.

"Why didn't any of you listen to me? I promise that I will get justice for both your deaths."

He took out the painting of Hawke and kissed it lightly.

"You should have listened to me, Marian. I told you he was dangerous. Why did you always have to love those who would cause you the most harm? If you had only killed him, the Maker would have forgiven you and you would be here to rule beside me. Oh, Maker I hope you have found it in your mercy to forgive her for her sins and that she has taken her place at your side."

-OOO-

The high altitudes made it harder for both people and horses to travel through the mountains. They were getting closer to their destination, but since they were quickly fatigued they didn't cover as much ground as the normally would have. Anders was beginning to wish he had never read in Marian's diary. What appeared to be memories haunted his sleep. They were vague images and incoherent pieces of conversations. Most of them were of her laughing. Sometimes he would hear her voice not able to make out the words. They came every night sending him into a state of emotional turmoil and tonight was no exception.

_He was in his clinic, but everything was distorted he then heard her voice,_

"_It would kill me to see the templars lock you up."_

"_I have tried to hold back. You saw what I almost did to that girl. You have seen what I am, but I am still a man. You can't tease me like this and expect me to resist forever."_

"_I don't want you to resist."_

_He could feel fire burning in his veins has he pulled her close and began kissing her passionately. He could feel desperation, worry, relief and for a moment complete happiness. He could taste her lips, smell the vanilla, and feel the soft skin of her neck with one hand as the other ran through her hair. It was euphoria unlike any he had experienced. Suddenly he could hear her scream. Terror began to fill his body and he felt like screaming himself, but he had no air in his lungs. He tried to move, but found himself confined by chains. He could hear the noise when her body was hit by blunt objects. Between her screams he swore he could even hear her bones crack. Or maybe it was his imagination? He saw her face. Blood was dripping from her soaked hair and he could she blood and foam spilling from her lips. He wanted to heal her. He wanted to hold her, but as he desperately tried to get near her he was whipped. It didn't even hurt anymore. All he could focus on was his rage and his worry. Justice... where was he? They had taken the only thing from him that might save her. She mouthed "I love you" before collapsing fully on the ground. They dragged her body along the ground not even having the courtesy to carry her. They left a trail of her blood o the ground. He found himself begging for death. Pleading for this moment to be the last..._

He sat up covered in sweat and tears falling down his cheeks. What had he done to her? Why would she fall in love with a man who would cause her so much harm? He looked around. They only had one tent, so he was sleeping outside on his bedroll near the fire. A cross from him Bethany was sleeping. After he had started to remember things about Marian he felt increasingly uncomfortable calling Bethany for Hawke. She was not his Hawke. He found himself pondering how he could feel such affection for a woman, when he still couldn't even picture her face. He knew her scent, her laugh and sometimes even recalled her gentle words of comfort. He looked over at Bethany wondering if she looked anything like her sister. He then saw an amulet hanging from her neck. He had never seen anything like it. Curiosity got the better of him and he moved closer to examine it. It was made from silver and lyrium and was covered in ancient tevinter runes. He could feel the magic emanating from it and he reached in to touch it. Her eyes flew open and she sat up her fist firmly holding the amulet.

"Don't touch it!" She snapped.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean any harm." He said as he gave her a startled look. She looked at him for a moment and then her eyes softened.

"I know. I am sorry to. I was just startled... it means a lot to me... if I lost it..."

"I understand. It was rude of me."

She gave a smile and for just a moment he could feel his heart jump. It was the first time he had seen her do that. She was always so angry and bitter.

"I am sorry for my behaviour during these last few weeks. I... have been focusing on tasks for a long time. I have come accustom to be on my own. If I seem bitter it is because I have lost so much. I hope you can understand."

"I do and I am sorry. I would understand if you blame me for Marian's death."

"I... I blame the templars." Her eyes were tearing. Anders felt he had so much to apologize for, but were would he begin?

"I feel I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to seem insensitive when I talked to Susanne. Had I know..."

"Had you know who I was you wouldn't have flirted with a woman the minute you got your emotions back?" She snapped and started to pack up her bedroll. Anders just sat there feeling partly like a fool and partly angry at her. He had meant to be nice and apologize and she was acting like a bitch. Even if it was a little insulting to Marian's memory it wasn't like she just died. It had been four years and until a few days ago he had no memory of her. Under normal circumstances would anyone have blamed him for moving on after that period of time? Should he live the rest of his life in chastity? Didn't he deserve happiness? Well the last part he wasn't sure about. Bethany stood up and then told the others in the tent, that it was time to move on. Then she went to the horses to saddle them and strap her bedroll to the back of the saddle.

"_Why are you so intent on hurting him?"_

"_I am not intent on hurting him. He is just so infuriating."_

"_You can't keep blaming him for your own feelings."_

"_I am not blaming him for my feelings. I am blaming him for his actions."_

"_If you told him everything it might not have to be this way."_

"_When did you become the voice of reason?"_

"_I am the voice o..."_

"Deep in thought?" Oran asked as he came up behind her.

"You could say that. Are we ready to move on?"

He nodded in responds and they moved on.


	9. Chapter 9 Unnoticed

9 Unnoticed

She was standing outside the keep making a deal with a dwarven merchant. The snow was falling and she could feel the cold air brushing her face. It would have been more comfortable to do this inside, but all his wares were in his cart and her men needed new weapons, not to mention dwarven ale. How Oghren could drink that stuff she never knew. She turned around when she heard someone slamming the door running down the stairs.

"Warden-Commander!"

"Yes, Sigrun. What is the matter?"

"Well, the youngest wardens are harassing Avernassus again."

"I can't turn my back for two bloody seconds. Would you finish this for me, while I take care of it?"

"Of course, Commander."

Alyssa ran up the stair and into the keep. Why didn't they ever listen? She had have dozens of people under her command, but no one gave her this much grief. They were equally rebellious and thought everything was a joke. She ran up the stairs. _"Everyone is uncomfortable around Avernassus, but these two have no sense what so ever!" _She was almost at the top of the stairs when she could hear Avernassus grumbling. She opened the door and saw Avernassus casting a frostspell on a chair that seemed to have been on fire.

"Duncan! Justin! What are you doing?"

"Practicing fire." Justin said proudly.

"Get those boys out of here! I have important work to do and don't have time for babysitting!"

"I am sorry Avernassus it won't happen again."

She took both boys by the arms and turned around.

"Wait." Avernassus turned around. "I need another blood sample from both of them."

"Do we have to, mother?" Duncan pleaded.

"Yes you do."

"But it hurts." Justin grumbled.

"Then you shouldn't have come up here in the first place."

The boys grumbled, but did as they were told. After the numerous blood samples that have been taken over the years one would think that they would have become accustom to it by now. They didn't know why they were subject to all these tests. They knew nothing of the taint in their blood or how short their lives would be if a cure was not found. It was probably the reason why they went up here so often. They were use to coming here. They knew nothing of blood magic, to them Avernassus was just one more warden. When the boys were done they followed her outside.

"So whose idea was it to set fire to a chair?" She gave them a stern look.

"Duncan's." Justin said trying to look innocent.

"I can't do magic. Justin is the mage not me."

"But you told me I couldn't do it!"

"It is not my fault that you listened!"

"Enough!" Both boys looked up at her with a fearful look. Both boys had blonde hair and brown eyes. Duncan had just turned eight and with his tanned skin he could have been his father's mirror image. Justin was a couple of years younger and was pale. Justin had only recently discovered his powers and Duncan used every opportunity to get him into trouble because of it. Duncan hadn't shown any magical talent yet, but he was still young. Though he envied his younger brother for it, the day would come were not having magical talent would become a blessing. This however was still a long way into the future, hopefully. Her greatest concern was finding a cure for the taint. Avernassus was trying his best, but she was afraid time was running out.

"How many times have I told you not to interrupt Avernassus when he is working?"

The boys didn't answer.

"Duncan, you have to stop encouraging Justin to use his powers at any opportunity."

"Why are you angry with me? I didn't do it."

"No, but you are the eldest and you know that he does whatever you tell him to. You need to be responsible and encourage people to do good things, not things you find amusing."

"Why?"

"Didn't you say you wanted to become commander some day? Then you have to learn how to lead people, not just make them follow your whims. Do you understand?"

"Yes, mother."

Justin was leaning over against the wall looking through whole made for archers. His face suddenly brightened and he started running. She looked over the wall and saw a man on a white horse she knew all too well.

"Alistair." She smiled.

"Father?" Duncan grinned and followed Justin down the stairs.

Alyssa quickly followed the boys. It had been months since they had seen Alistair. Being the King of Ferelden had not been without its costs. They could only ever be half a family as long as she could be no more than his mistress. This was part of the reason why Alyssa feared that Duncan had magical talent. He was the heir to the throne. _"My own royal bastard." _Alistair would joke, but being a bastard was one thing. That could be accepted by the people, Alistair was after all a popular king despite him being the son of a commoner. Accepting a mage king however would be an entirely different matter. Alyssa could already hear the accusations that Duncan would turn Ferelden into another Tevinter Emporium. The revolution was officially over, but now they needed to rebuild and mages all over Thedas bore the heavy burden of gaining peoples trust and enter into society as normal citizens. This would take decades and with the taint in Alistair's blood who knew how long it would be before his calling came... or her own. She looked at the children's faces and feared what would happen to them. When she came down the boys were already taking the ears of Alistair, who just smiled and listened. When he saw Alyssa he told the boys to run inside and wait for him. When he was there he would use all his time playing with them and telling them stories. Mostly he would goof around with them and for some reason the trouble they caused would always double when he was present. He might be a King, but he was still as childish as when she had met him twelve years ago. He came over to her and kissed her deeply.

"I have missed you, love." He smiled.

"I have missed you to. Though, you could have had better timing."

"What did I interrupt this time?"

"**Your** son decided it would be a good idea to make Justin set fire to a chair."

"How come when Duncan causes trouble he is only my son? Is he only your son when he behaves? I do remember us both being involved." He teased.

"Duncan has inherited your sense for mischief. I am the responsible one, so therefore I take credit for that."

"Not to mention stubborn. Ouch!" He tried to pout as he rubbed the part of his stomach where she had gently slapped him.

"Not that I am not glad to see you, but I thought you weren't coming until next month?"

"I wasn't planning on it, but I received some information I thought it best if I delivered myself. I will have to go back to Denerim tomorrow."

"You're cold. Let's go inside by the fire."

They spend the afternoon with the children and when they were tucked in bed, Alyssa and Alistair went to Alyssa's private quarters.

"What information did you have, love?"

"Anders has been freed from the templars in Orlais two weeks ago. The last message we received said that they were moving him south near the Ferelden border. I haven't heard anything to suggest that he has been recaptured, so hopefully he has crossed the border by now."

"Thank the Maker. She succeeded then. That man always gets himself into trouble, but if he has crossed the border he is safe at least."

"I hope so."

"What do you mean you hope so? The mages have been given their freedom there is no reason for anyone in Ferelden to hunt him."

"No, but I did receive a letter from a Prince Sebastian Vael of Stark Haven requesting that if we find him in Ferelden that we turn him over to him."

"Well, he can forget it. Anders has been made tranquil and forced to be a templar puppet for years. That has to be punishment enough. Besides there are people who need him."

"I know and I will not turn him over should we find him. He has been granted sanctuary in Ferelden. The only ones who can demand his release is the Viscount of Kirkwall, but he doesn't want anything more to do with this mess. But it is not only Prince Vael's interest that worries me."

"You are worried that he has made a substantial bounty on Anders' head."

"Yes and worse if he finds out about..."

"Then he will stop at nothing to get revenge." She interrupted him. Alistair nodded sadly.

"Is there anything we can do?"

"I will have my special infantry look for him discretely, but other than that we must trust that she knows what she is doing."

"All of this is my fault. If I hadn't left the wardens in Amaranthine to come here, all of this wouldn't have happened."

"You are not to blame, love."

"Aren't I? If I hadn't let the orlisians take over command maybe that bastard, Rolan would never have been recruited. If only I haven't been so obsessed with finding a cure for the taint and finding a way to have a child. I should have found a way to help Justice instead, so a merging with Anders hadn't been necessary. I failed both of them... as a commander and as a friend."

"Listen to me, love. It is not your fault. Even if you had known Justice and Anders would merge, would you have stopped them? I mean Wynne was possessed for as long as we knew her and was never a danger to anyone. None of you are to blame, love. Not Justice, not Anders and certainly not you. You don't blame Nathanial for suggesting them to merge do you?"

"Of course not."

"Then don't blame yourself. I am sure neither Anders nor Justice blames you."

"You are probably right."

"See... That wasn't so hard was it? I am not as stupid as I look, you know."

Alyssa started to laugh. How was it that he could always make her feel better?

"I have some good news as well."

"Go on." She smiled.

"Well, the council and I are about to make a decree that officially will give the mages the same rights as any other citizen. Hopefully this will make mage marrying more common and allow mage children to inherit. It will take time off course and I have to change over a hundred regulations, but eventually..."

"Our marriage will be legitimate?"

"Yes. Just imagine the scandal, a mage queen. Good thing you are of noble birth or we would really be in trouble."

Alyssa laughed and threw her arms around his neck as she kissed him. Thedas was changing. Hopefully for the better.

-OOO-

Two more days and they would be at the ruins where the ashes were supposed to be. Anders had tried to avoid talking and even looking at Bethany. The more he resisted looking that more he felt that he wanted to. He felt himself taken in by her beauty, but resented her bitterness. He could understand her anger, but her hostility towards him was getting on his nerves. At the same time he felt attracted to her and he felt ashamed. He had already destroyed her sister, would he now try to do the same to her? Not that it mattered, she probably wouldn't give him the time of day. He found himself wondering why he felt this attraction. Her personality was nothing like he had described Marian in his diaries. Besides the name they had nothing in common. Perhaps she looked like her and somewhere in his subconscious that was the reason why he felt drawn to her? Anders was beginning to think his mind was playing tricks on him. He could hear Marian's voice in his head and sometimes he could swear he could smell her vanilla scent. His heart was aching for her and knowing that she was gone, was more than he could bear. Perhaps he no longer wanted to take the ashes. Perhaps he should be grateful that he would die early. These dire thoughts were interrupted when Oran once again couldn't keep quiet. Anders chuckled. That young elf reminded him of himself as a younger man.

"I have to ask, why did you call yourself The Tranquil? Wouldn't templar destroyer or something be more appropriate?"

"Several reasons. For one it was symbolic. It was to take what the templars used against us and turn it against them. I wanted to make them fear what they did to us."

"And the other reasons."

"After they captured Anders and Hawke I lost myself. The pain was too much for me bear so I buried everything I felt and hid away my emotions. At the moment I put on that mask I became tranquil in a sense."

"Brutal... but if you weren't actually made tranquil what happened to your powers?"

"Well it would be strange for someone who appeared tranquil to throw around fireballs, don't you think?"

"Good point. But we know who you are now, so why not use it."

"I have come accustom not to use it. Besides if I don't use magic how do you think I get my voice to change?"

"Clever... Was the champion just as smart?"

"Oran that's enough." Phillip interfered.

Two more days and all of this would be over. Two more days and they would go their separate ways and find a new path. Anders feared it. He had lost everything and was terrified that if he were to regain something he would lose it.


	10. Chapter 10 Reminder

10 Reminder

Had you asked Varric five years ago if he could see himself as a father he would have laughed at you. The Maker however has a very odd sense of humour. Varric still dealt in information and stories, but now he had to take care of a little girl. In all honesty this isn't hard for Varric. He has always looked out for people. He made sure Merill got food, didn't get lost in Lowtown and even paid thugs not to ambush her. He made sure that Anders clinic kept running by paying or discouraging the various gangs in the undercity for taking protection money. He in return got a lot of material for his stories and people still ask to hear them after all these years. Taking care of his little Shadow was different however. It was harder, but more rewarding. Her imagination rivalled even his own and it had given him material enough for a lifetime of stories. Going down to the bar to get some dinner for himself and Lea, he took a look around and wondered if Aveline was right. Drunken men, whores and bar fights wasn't normally what you want a child exposed to. Then again nothing about Lea was normal. He went back to his suite with three plates of stew.

"Dinner is ready. Are you two coming?"

Lea came out of the room her dark hair braided with little pearls tied into it. Isabela stood right behind her and gave Varric a smile. It was good that Isabela bothered to spend some time with Lea when she was in Kirkwall. Varric didn't know if Isabela was the best female role model, but there was no one else to fulfil that role.

"Don't I look pretty?"

"Shadow, even the empress of Orlais would be jealous of you. Now eat."

"Varric, you should take more time to admire her. Women need that you know." Isabela smiled.

At that moment the door opened and a hooded person entered. He was obviously tense and looked out of the door examining if anyone had seen him enter before he closed the door. Lea jumped up and ran to him.

"Fenris!"

Fenris removed his hood and lifted her up. He couldn't help but smile as her big green eyes lit up.

"And to what do we owe this pleasure, broody?"

"Or what pleasure may we perform?" Isabela winked.

Fenris sat Lea down on the floor and looked into her eyes with a serious gaze.

"Lea I need you to go into your room and choose one of you stuffed animals. We are going on a trip. Remember you can only bring one."

Lea nodded and then went to her room. Varric and Isabela both looked at Fenris with a worried look. Varric felt fear pumping through him. This was no ordinary fear. This was worse than encountering a High Dragon.

"What is going on, elf?"

"I was called to Stark Haven last week. Anders has escaped from the templars and now Sebastian is looking for revenge."

"Does he know about Lea? I thought only the three of us, Bethany and Aveline knew." Isabela replied.

"I don't know, but he was willing to find out if Hawke was alive in order to use her against him. If he finds out that Anders has a daughter, I have no doubt that he will use her in any way he can."

"As if the poor girl wasn't cursed enough already. Honestly, her mother is gone and her father is tranquil."

"Not to mention the taint in her blood. I swear her nightmares, gives me the chills." Varric replied.

"We need to get her out of the Free Marches before he catches on." Fenris grumbled.

"We can't risk taking my ship. It is undergoing major repairs."

"Then we will have to take her on the road. I suggest we take her to Nevarra and then decide where to go from there."

"I'll get Bianca ready and we will leave immediately."

-OOO-

_He turned the handle and when the door opened his heart fluttered. She had let it stay open for him. He then walked up the stairs of a grand house he didn't recognize. He went to the door and could feel butterflies in his stomach. There she was leaning against the bed wearing nothing, but a white nightgown with no sleeves. It was clinging to her body revealing every curve. Her eyes glimmered as she looked at him. Those beautiful emeralds that revealed all the kindness her soul possessed._

"_You're here. I wasn't sure you would come."_

"_Justice does not approve of my obsession with you. He believes you're a distraction. It is one of the few things where he and I disagree."_

"_Then I will just have to change his mind, won't I. If you hadn't come I would have searched all of Kirkwall for you."_

"_When I was in the circle, love was only a game. It gave the templars to much power if there was something you couldn't stand to lose. It would kill me to lose you."_

"_You aren't going to lose me."_

"_No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love. This is the rule I will most cherish breaking."_

_He kissed her softly and slowly. Savouring it until the last possible moment. She gently pulled back from the kiss and took his hand as she gently pulled him with her back onto the bed. Leaning his weight on one side he bend over her as he kissed her again. He could feel her fingers running through his hair. Anders gently lifted her nightgown as his hand ran up her leg, past her knee and gently up her thigh where he held onto it. She laid her head back and gave a sigh of pleasure. Her fingers opened his coat and then the buckles on his tunic. Those nimble fingers could open anything with ease. He had yearned for them to touch him for three years. Her fingers toyed with the feathers on his coat before she gently pushed it of his shoulders. He kissed her neck and smiled as he heard her gasp. His hand kept caressing her thigh as she ran her fingers under his shirt. His hand went further up her body and he felt his pulse quickening as her felt the curves of her body. Marian must have felt it to because at that moment her kisses became deeper and more passionate. She pushed him up and straddled him while pushing of his tunic. He lifted the nightgown over her head and his hands ran up her back as she shivered. She then removed his shirt and started to kiss his neck. As she went further down his chest she pushed him gently back onto the bed. She teased him by gently moving her tongue over his skin as she kissed him. He could feel her hips resting on his lower body and all of his blood ran downwards almost giving him a sensation of agony. Three years of aching for her and now she was so close to him. He slightly lifted his hips towards her to give himself some relief. She gave a gasp as she felt him. When she smiled at him he couldn't take it any longer. That smile and those eyes could make him do anything without a moments doubt or hesitation. He flipped her over so she was placed beneath and she laughed. She immediately started to open his pants and as they came loose one of her hands slipped inside caressing him. He closed his eyes and gasped at the sensation. He didn't want her to stop, but at the same time he wanted so much more. _

_Fortunately he didn't have to choose as she began to push his trousers of him. He pushed his boots off with his feet and then stood up to remove his trousers completely. He then kissed the inside of her one leg every few centimetres while his hand ran up the other leg conjuring a little electrical current. When he came to where her legs met he on purpose avoided to touch her where she wanted him to. He smiled as she gasped. Her eyes closed enjoying every little touch. He kissed his way up her body, gently moving his tongue over her nipples before kissing his way up to her neck and then finally claiming her lips once more. She stroked his neck with one hand while the other slowly went down his body. He gasped as she finally reached his length. Leaning on one elbow his other hand went between her thighs where he continued to tease her until she was moments from release. He then finally entered her as his movements became more..._

Anders woke up and looked up. He realised that he was hard. Part of him was cursing the fact that he had woken up at that moment, another part was relieved. He looked around. They had found an old ruin to camp in so the tent wasn't used. The others were still asleep around the fire. _"Thank the Maker!"_ In some ways he was afraid of sleep. Terrified of all the memories and the regret they brought with them. Sometimes he wished that he would fall asleep and never wake up. In his dreams she was still with him. Would she keep haunting him like this forever? He turned over and decided to try and sleep again not knowing if he wished to dream of her or not.

"_I should have trusted you. Even with all we have shared I never thought you would spare my life. If we live through this you know I will be haunted. No one in Kirkwall will offer me mercy, but if you would join me. I would rather be on the run with you than safe with anyone else."_

"_I have always been hunted, love. You might be hunted because of what you are, but I have always been hunted because of who I love. You are right. The world needs to see that the circle is an injustice. I want to be at your side when the world finally changes."_

"_We will fight for a world where our children can be born mages and free."_

_Everything shifted and he could see Marian lying in a bed screaming. Then the dream shifted again and he was sitting beside her in the bed holding a little newborn child. "Leandra"._

Anders sat up. He had a daughter. He could remember holding her little hand. How he held her close to him while trying to make her fall asleep. He could remember every little detail about her. The dark hair on her head, her little green eyes looking up at him even her date of birth and the birthmark on the right side of her stomach. They had named her Leandra after Marian's mother. Fear struck his heart. She was four years old now. What had happened to her? Did the templars catch her when they captured him? But one question beat all of them. He stood up and went to Bethany's bedroll shook her awake. The others looked awoke and looked at him as he growled.

"Why didn't you tell me I have a daughter?"

"You have a daughter?" Susanne gasped.

"You remember?" Bethany asked, very shaken by the abrupt awakening. There was a light in her eyes as she gave him a hopeful look.

"What have the templars done to her?" Anders demanded as his voice croaked still holding her shoulders.

"She is safe, Anders. Lea is with a friend. The templars doesn't even know she exists."

Anders sighed with relief and then sat back down as a single tear fell from his eyes. Bethany stroked his back and softly asked.

"What else do you remember?"

"Not much. I remember Leandra clearly, but everything else is still a blur. I **have **to see her. Take care of her. I am all she has left." More importantly _"She is all __**I**__ have left."_

Bethany removed her hand from his shoulder and looked disappointed. Hurt even.

"I understand, Anders. But we need to get to the ashes first then I will take you to her. If you are going to take care of her you need the ashes as much as she does."

Anders looked at her and understood immediately what she meant. She knew of the taint in his blood and of course it would be in Lea's as well. She was right of course. It was more important now than ever that he was cured of the taint. But how did she know? As if sensing his question she answered.

"You told me. Lea wasn't with you when you got captured. After you were made tranquil she was send to your most trusted friend, knowing he would look after her. You will see her again I promise."

Susanna looked at Anders. Now it made sense why they had to erase his memory in order to make him submit. Tranquil or not the responsibility of a child was important. A tranquil might not have emotions, but they still had a sense of duty. That was why they were often thought of as useful by the templars. They preformed their duties without question. But the duty to a child who had no family had to be greater than even those assigned by a templar. Anders probably also knew what would happen if the templars found his daughter, so he had most likely not informed them of it. Maybe that was why they had removed so much of his memory. They had thought Marian was the reason for his uncooperative behaviour, but it was in fact his daughter. Why else would he have tried to escape?

Bethany lay back down. She would try to sleep knowing that it would not happen.

"_I am sorry."_

"_It is not your fault."_

"_I wish there was something I could do."_

"_You have already done so much."_

"_I wish I could do more to comfort you. That I could give you more than just words."_

"_You __**are**__ comforting me. You are the only one who has kept me strong these past years."_

"_I am here for you, whatever you need."_


	11. Chapter 11 Magic

11 Magic

The sparring ring. Not a place you would normally find a child, but with the amount of fires Justin had started over the past few weeks it seemed as good an outlet as any. Alyssa had of cause given him basic mental exercises, but he needed a physical outlet before he burned the keep down. To make sure that Duncan wasn't feeling like he was being pushed aside Alyssa had arranged training for him as well. Duncan was only eight and far too young to be taught how to use weapons in Alyssa's opinion. But Justin was far younger than Duncan and needed the training now. She couldn't find any way to justify to Duncan why he could not be allowed to train. She had decided on letting him train with a two-handed wooden sword. A choice she was already regretting since the only one who could teach him was Oghren. She could already hear all the inappropriate comments coming from her son's mouth. With all her responsibilities she didn't have time to teach Justin herself. Luckily a few years ago she had found her old friend, Jowan and recruited him into the order. After the incident with Arl Eamond and Colin, he had really tried to change his way. She still felt bad for him, because of what happened with Lily and sometimes even felt responsible. Now she was relieved that she had gotten the chance to help him. She had been sitting by the desk, going over trade deals and some letters from the warden base in Amaranthine. Nathanial Howe was put in charge there after the orlisian wardens was sent home when trouble started stirring between Ferelden and Orlais. Now she wanted to see how the children were doing. Honestly she didn't know if she was looking forward to it or dreading it, but hopefully it would keep them out of mischief.

She had barely entered the training grounds before a fire bolt came flying towards a target dummy next to the one Duncan was training with. Oghren looked more than a little surprised and to be honest so was Alyssa. Justin had not yet turned five and for him to be so strong was unusual. She reminded herself that it was probably due to the taint, a thought that continued to sadden her. Sigrun was standing next to the ring and was laughing at the spectacle. Alyssa went over and stood next to Sigrun.

" 'EY! Watch it sparklefingers!" Oghren roared.

"Yeah, sparklefingers! This is my dummy." Duncan grumbled.

"Sorry..." Justin mumbled.

"That was very good, Justin, but you need to concentrate so that you can determine the size of the fire bolt. There is no reason for you to use so much of you mana for one single target." Jowan smiled.

Justin nodded and then began to yawn. It had obviously tired him. He saw Alyssa and ran to her with a proud smile.

"Did you see my big fire bolt?"

"I did. You did well. Just promise me you won't start throwing them inside."

"I promise."

"You should be proud, Justin. That one would have rivalled even Anders'." Sigrun smiled.

"Who is Anders?"

"He was a warden a long time ago. He was the first mage I ever recruited into the order." Alyssa smiled.

"Was he good?"

"All wardens are good, but he was very good yes. He was better with healing magic though. You look tired sweetheart. Jowan, will you take him inside, please? I would like to watch Duncan for a while."

Jowan nodded and took Justin's hand. When they were out of hearing range Sigrun let out a sigh.

"I miss him. It's funny. He wasn't with us for more than a year, but I still miss him... and Justice."

"I know. Before Amaranthine the only warden I really knew was Alistair. He used to speak about the bond between wardens. I never fully understood that until we formed our little group."

"When I joined the legion I never thought of having a family again, but the wardens became my family."

"Yes and Anders was the sarcastic cousin who would flirt with everyone." Alyssa giggled.

"Warden-commander."

Alyssa turned around and saw one of the low ranking wardens coming towards her.

"Yes?"

"The mage delegate from Denerim is here."

"Thank you. I'll be right back Sigrun."

She walked to the entrance and saw her distant cousin smiling at her. She greeted her with a big hug.

"Bethany! It is so good to see you."

"You to, Alyssa. I brig news from Denerim can we speak in your office?"

"Of course."

Alyssa led Bethany into the office.

-OOO-

Thank the Maker for Fenris. They would have to get out of the city quickly which wasn't easy with a little girl. Varric's short legs gave him enough trouble, but caring a child while running would have been impossible. Many children were often frightened by Fenris, but Lea had known him all her life and felt complete safe and comfortable around him. So him caring her wasn't an issue. Isabela was caring a backpack with the most essential things. Aveline had remained in Kirkwall to make sure that if any enquiry should come from Stark Haven it would be replied with false information. Unfortunately they discovered it was too late. No more than fifteen men appeared around them. What could they do? There were far too many for them to fight. Even if they did fight, how could they make sure that Lea didn't get harmed or kidnapped. When Fenris turned blue with frustration they shot him in the shoulder with an arrow. A woman dressed all in black with green eyes came from the shadows. For a moment Varric could have sworn it was Hawke, but why would she kidnap her own child?

"Now there calm down. I mean you no harm, I just need the girl." Drea said calmly.

"You won't have her!" Fenris growled.

"You have a choice. Either you corporate or I will kill one of you at a time, starting with the girl."

"You bitch! What do you want with her any way?" Isabela snarled.

"You really think that Prince Vael didn't know that the champion and Anders had a child? We have been watching you for months."

"If you know who she is, then why would you threaten to kill her?" Varric snarled as he pulled Lea close to him to comfort her.

"His grace only wants justice for the lives Anders took. To get that he needs Anders and what better way to ensure he will come to Stark Haven, than using his daughter? Anders won't know whether she is dead or alive."

"Anders is tranquil. He wouldn't feel anything for her." Varric answered.

"The mage rebellion have been reversing the rite of tranquillity for years, he has most likely regained his emotions by now. So what will it be? Do you come willingly or will blood be needed?"

Isabela and Fenris looked at Varric. He was after all her guardian so this was his call. He nodded while he whispered "I'm sorry Shadow.". The men then removed their weapons and threw them inside the back of a wagon. Lea cuddled up against Fenris when she felt the blood on his shoulder. She then put her hand over the wound and her hand started glowing. They all gave her a surprised look when the wound healed.

"By the ancestors!" Varric gasped.

"How did you know how to do that, kitten?" Isabela asked.

"I don't know." Lea shrugged.

"Have you done this before?" Fenris asked.

"Yes. One time when I scraped my knee. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all. Thank you very much. My shoulder feels much better now."

They went quiet for a while, when Lea suddenly asked.

"Varric? What was that woman talking about?"

"She was talking about your parents. Do you remember all the stories I told you about the Champion of Kirkwall?"

She nodded.

"Well, the champion is your mother. Her and your father was captured when you were an infant. They send you to me so that I could keep you safe." Varric sighed and felt guilt washing over him. He had failed.

"Who is my father?"

"Remember I told you that there used to be a healer in Darktown, who helped the sick without taking any coin for it?"

"He was my father?"

"Yes."

"Why does that woman want my father?"

Varric choked. Telling a four year old that her father murdered a chantry full of defenceless people wasn't exactly a bedtime story. Not to mention would she even understand? Isabela could see on Varric's face that even with his gift for stories he had no idea about how to deal with this.

"You see sweetness. Your father wanted to save a lot of people, who were put in prison without having done anything wrong."

"Why were they in prison if they didn't do anything?"

"Because people were afraid of them." Fenris answered.

"When your father tried to free them he made a lot of people angry. Do you understand, Shadow?" Varric said in a comforting voice.

She nodded again and hid her face in Fenris' chest. Fenris removed his cloak and put it around her hoping that she would fall asleep. This was his fault. Had he never come to Kirkwall, maybe this wouldn't have happened. On the other hand Sebastian clearly knew about her all along. But how did he know? Fenris looked down at Lea. If he had been spying on Varric it wasn't a unlike assumption to make. She did after all look a lot like her mother. The same dark hair, green eyes and pale skin like both her parents. And apparently she had her father's gift for healing.

-OOO-

They had finally reached the ancient temple where the ashes were supposed to be hidden away. They had met a few spiders and a pack of wolfs, but other than that the journey had been quite uneventful. They had however met a few templars who guarded the area, but Bethany had handed them a letter that allowed them passage. Anders had hid under his hood. The mages where free in Ferelden, but he doubted that anyone would be happy to see him. Not to mention the sun on his forehead that didn't exactly make him discreet. Oran was left outside the ruin to guard the horses since he was the only one without any business at the urn itself. The ruins were magnificent and there were a lot of beautiful carvings. Normally Anders would have thrilled to look at them, but all he could think about was his daughter. Why didn't Bethany tell him and what else was she hiding from him? They entered the last part of the ruin and were met by a bearded man in full armour.

"Greetings. I am the Guardian of the gauntlet."

"Greetings. We have come seeking the ashes of Andraste." Bethany answered.

"And so you shall if the gauntlet decides that you are worthy. Before you go there is something that I must ask."

"As you wish."

"There is suffering in your pasts. You're suffering and the suffering of others. Your mother died by the hands of a madman trying to recreate his dead wife. You wonder don't you, if you had been home that day it would never have happened?"

"Each and every day."

"Thank you. And what of those who follow you. Phillip former templar and brother of the mage Paul. Your brother was sent to the circle in Kirkwall after you had been responsible for revealing his powers. He was later made tranquil by the order that you joined. Do you feel responsible for what happened to him?"

"Yes. If I had not teased him that day maybe he wouldn't have been angry and started that electrical storm. If I had only seen what the templar order was capable off sooner I could have saved him."

"And you Susanna of Nevarra. Your mother died while giving birth to your youngest brother. You took over the role to care for your three younger siblings. When you discovered you had magical talent your father tried to hide you from the templars. When they found you, your father was sent to prison and you to the circle. Your siblings became orphans. Do you regret that you let your father hide you?"

"Always." Susanna started to cry and Phillip held her close kissing her hair. Anders choked knowing he would be next.

"You, Anders. In your past there is more suffering than most experience in a lifetime. You ran from your father. You ran from the circle. You ran from the wardens. You killed a lot of people in the name of justice forcing you to run again. Lately you have been running from your past. Are you afraid that you have become accustom to running and that by running you have lost what mattered the most?"

"Yes... I am afraid that I will never stop running. I fear that this need for continuing to run will cost me everything I hold dear. I regret that I lost the love of life and I blame myself for it. I fear that I will never be the father my daughters deserves. I fear that everything I have risked was for nothing." Anders felt his eyes tearing and at that moment Bethany stroked his back and kissed his cheek. The spirit disappeared and they went through the door. The first room was filled with spirits who gave them riddles that were fairly easy to answer. When the last spirit disappeared, the door till the next room opened. The all stood still.

"Mon cherrie, what do you see?" Phillip asked Susanna as her eyes filled with water.

"I see my father... what do you see?"

"My brother."

-OOO- Susanna -OOO-

"Father?"

"Shhh... sweetheart it is alright. You have wondered many times if what happened to me was your fault."

"Yes... oh father can you ever forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive. Hiding you was my choice. It was my responsibility to protect our family never yours. Forgive yourself my darling daughter. You were never to blame."

-OOO- Phillip -OOO-

"You are not my brother."

"I didn't think I fooled you. I am part of the gauntlet."

"What do you want from me? Are you here to make me feel guilty?"

"That is not my purpose. I am here to give you the forgiveness you will not grant yourself. My powers would have shown sooner or later, nothing you could have said or done would have changed that. You are now devoted to helping my people regain their freedom and it gives me peace knowing that no one else will suffer what I have. Thank you."

-OOO- Bethany -OOO-

"Mother I am so sorry. I should have..."

"Hush love. There was nothing you could have done. I am so proud of my little girl as are your father and Carver. You have helped to change the world and in the future all mages will have what we had. A family. You need to let go of all your regrets so that you too can have the family you deserve."

"No mother don't go, please."

"I don't belong here. I love you very much, dear."

-OOO-

Susanna smiled with tears in her eyes and hugged Phillip. Bethany looked into the ground wiping tears from her eyes. Susanna then looked at Anders. He kept starring straight in front of him his tears falling from his eyes while he was complete silent. He stood there for what seemed like minutes. Susanna figured that he must have seen Marian and made sure that they gave him the time he needed. Then all of a sudden he grabbed Bethany by her shoulders and pinned her against the wall as he started to kiss her. Susanna and Phillip stared at them until Anders finally pulled away from the kiss still pinning her against the wall.

"Love, why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't remember me... I waited for you for so long and when I finally found you again you didn't remember. I was afraid that you wouldn't love me as you use to."

"I love you. You are the only person ever to stand by me even as I gave you every reason to turn away. You are the one bright light in my life. No one else will ever have my heart."

She turned away from him and began to cry. He gently placed his hand under her chin and lifted her lips to his.

"Marian, love. Look at me."

"Marian?" Susanna gasped.

"As in Marian Hawke, the champion of Kirkwall?" Phillip starred in disbelief. Then he got a little annoyed. Did this woman do anything, but lie? Then his annoyance turned to confusion. How in the void did she get away from the templars alive? Anders looked at them.

"Would you give us a moment please?"

Susanna and Phillip nodded and went back into the room they came from. Anders took Marian in his arms and held her close.

"I thought I had lost you. I wish you would have told me."

"I wanted to, but you didn't remember me and when you got your emotions back you didn't seem to care."

Anders cringed remembering how he flirted with Susanna. No wonder she had hit him and been angry with him. How could he have been such a fool?

"I am so sorry, my love. I wasn't myself, if I had remembered you I would never have done those things."

"It is just as much my fault. If I had been honest from the beginning maybe all of this would have gone smoother. I missed you so much and I have been aching for you to come back to me. And then you were so close, but you acted nothing like the man I fell in love with. When you discovered that I was a woman I should have told you the truth, but I was so afraid that you would reject me. Even Justice scolded me."

"Justice?" Anders looked at her. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. She pulled out the amulet.

"You don't remember everything yet do you?"

"No, but I am sure it will come back."

"You gave this amulet to me, when we were hiding in Tevinter. You were afraid that you would lose control over Justice. This amulet protects against spirits and demons. In ancient times it was used to bind those who were lost in our world. You gave it to me so he would never be able to harm me. Five months after I gave birth, we were caught in Nevarra while trying to break some mages out of the circle. When they removed Justice from you they didn't bring him back into the fade, so he was lost wandering in our world. After the templars had beaten me they left me in a cell to die. They didn't even bother to lock the door assuming I would die soon after. Justice found me and tried to save my life by merging with me. After my injuries were healed however he got trapped inside the amulet."

"I am so sorry old friend. Once again I am responsible for his suffering."

"I don't think he minds so much. When he entered the amulet it cured him of his corruption."

She pressed a symbol on the amulet and a cone of light was reflected from it. A spirit in full plate armour appeared in front of them.

"Justice? I am so sorry... I don't know if you can ever forgive me."

"You are not more to blame than I. I am sorry too... more than you could possibly know."

"I should have done more. You didn't deserve what I turned you into."

"And you did not deserve what I did to you. You alone have paid for the crimes we have committed. I learned much from you, Anders and for that I am grateful."

"I am surprised. After all I put you through, it seemed like there was so little left other than vengeance."

"When I was in Kristoff's body all I had was his memories. Sharing yours I gained my own. I learned what it was like to love and be loved. And now I have the peace of mind to value those memories. You have shown me much... as have Marian."

"Marian? Love, what does he mean?" Anders looked at her almost fearful. She took his hand and gently squeezed it.

"We didn't stay merged, love. When I am wearing this amulet I can communicate with Justice as you could when he was bound to you. After I lost you, he comforted me and helped me through it. He has been my strength through all of this. My advisor. My companion."

"This is not the best time for this, mortals. I suggest that we return to our mission." Justice looked tenderly at Marian "I am here for you, whatever you need."

Marian nodded and Justice let his hand stroke her cheek as if he could almost feel her, before returning into the amulet. Anders remembered those last words. A memory came flashing back.

_Leandra had just died by the hands of a blood mage. Marian was sitting on the bed. Her face was covered in tears, but she didn't make a sound. He walked towards her slowly._

"_I know nothing I can say will change it. It's just... I'm sorry. You were lucky to have her as long as you did. When the pain fades, that's what will matter."_

"_Thank you, Anders. What would I do without you?"_

_He sat down on the bed next to her and held her close._

"_I am here for you, whatever you need."_

Susanna and Phillip rejoined them and for the first time they saw Marian smile. Everything about her seemed different. The coldness had left her and was replaced by a warm kindness surrounding her. They passed the final obstacles and went to the urn. Phillip and Anders took each a pinch and put it into their own glass vial. They would later mix it with water so they could drink it. Marian took out three little pouches. The two small once she filled with a pinch each. They last one she took three pinches. Anders was about to ask about the amount, but she just gave him a smile that told him that she would inform him later.


	12. Chapter 12 In the name of love

12 In the name of love.

Two days in the back of that wagon. They had hardly had anything to eat or drink. To make matters worse Lea had been crying from hunger and fear almost nonstop. What Isabela wouldn't have given for Anders to have been there to make her fall asleep? How she missed having mages around. She missed Anders and Merill of course, but she never realised how important their abilities had been until after they joined the rebellion. The rebellion had been profitable for her to say the least. She had been smuggling mages between countries more times that she could count. But fortune helped her little now. What would Hawke have said if she knew that they had let her only child been captured by Sebastian? She probably would have forgiven them. That was Hawke, merciful. They were dragged in chains into the throne room. There was Sebastian. He looked at them with concern rather than gloating and even seemed a little distressed by it. Lea hid behind Fenris holding his leg. Isabela could understand why Sebastian wanted Anders, but she had never thought him capable of harming a child. Isabela was furious.

"What do you want from us, you backstabbing little shit?"

"Please. I know how this looks. I don't wish to harm you... any of you."

"No, of course not. Having your men threatening our lives and keeps us looked in chains for two days was just an act of hospitality." Varric snarled sarcastically.

"I should never have come here! You are no better than Danarius!" Fenris growled.

Sebastian did seem truly hurt by this and then looked at the chains. Of course they would think so after what he had just done to them. He told one of his guards to unlock the chains. Quite a gamble considering Fenris could rip his heart out before any of his guards could stop him. Fenris even considered it, but what then? Sebastian's guards would try to kill them and they had no weapons. Even worse Lea could get hurt. Fenris had been part of her life since Varric took her in. She was like family. Because of his high regard for Marian and in honour of their friendship, he had promised himself to protect Lea no matter the cost. And he would not stop now. He took her hand in his and gently stroked it with his thumb hoping it would give her some comfort. Sebastian then looked at them with a generally look of remorse.

"I promise, the only one I wish to harm is Anders. If my guards have made any threats on your lives they will not come to pass."

"And what about Lea?" Isabela spat.

"I would never harm a child. Unlike Anders I will not kill an innocent to achieve an end."

"No, you just use them."

"I know this is hard to believe, but I take no pleasure in this."

At the mention of her father's name Lea stepped forward. Sebastian's eyes filled with tears. She was so beautiful, just like her mother. He had feared that she would look like her father and that would cause him to relay the anger he felt for him on to her. Except for the pale skin both her parents had, she looked nothing like him. But her dark hair, her little round face and those green eyes like those that had haunted his sleep for years, made him convinced that she was the most beautiful little girl he had ever seen. Sebastian had never had any intentions of harming the child, but now he was determined to spoil her. He wanted revenge for what Anders did and he was certain that eventually Anders would come for her. He wanted to execute Anders, but now he had another punishment for him. He would make his daughter love himself as a father instead of Anders. Anders had been the obstacle Sebastian's love for Marian and now he would become that obstacle between Anders and his daughter. He kneeled in front of the little girl.

"My name is Sebastian. It is a pleasure to meet you. What is your name?"

"Lea... please don't hurt Varric, Bella and Fenris." She sobbed.

"I promise I won't. You must be hungry, would you like something to eat?"

She nodded. Varric was still tense, but he honestly began to believe that Sebastian wouldn't harm her. Sebastian asked one of the servants to get something for her to eat and then asked the guards to escort Isabela, Varric and Fenris away.

"To the dungeons, your grace?"

"No... I have had some rooms prepared for them and placed some guards outside it. I am sorry, my friends, but I hope you understand why I must this. I will have some food brought up for you. I will have Lea stay here with me for an hour and then I promise I will return her to you."

"You better choir boy!" Varric snapped.

Fenris didn't object. He knew the poison that revenge carried around in once bloodstream all too well. How many had he killed to get to Danarius? If he had been in Sebastian's shoes at the time would he have been as merciful? He doubted it and it scared him. What terrible things he had been capable of. It was only after he met Hawke that she had helped him regain some peace. Thankfully, Sebastian was a man of mercy and honour. Varric kissed Lea's hair before they were escorted out of the room and Lea looked very nervous. She pressed herself up against a pillar and tried to hide in the shadow.

"That is very good, Lea. You will be a very good rogue some day."

She didn't respond. Sebastain went to her while giving her a kind smile and kneeled in front of her.

"You know I was trained as rogue to. I could teach you a lot of things if you like."

She still didn't answer. He looked at her. He had never thought he would ever see those eyes again. Eyes that reflected kindness and innocents even as they were scared.

"Why do you look at me like that?" Lea finally asked.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. You just look so much like your mother."

"You knew my mother?" Her eyes lit up with curiosity.

"Yes, she was a very kind woman. She was very dear to me. I could tell you about her if you like?"

Lea smiled and nodded. The food arrived and Sebastian sat down next to her at the table. While they ate he told her about her mother. Of her kindness and generosity. All the things that had made him fall in love with Marian. Almost an hour later he had Lea escorted to the rooms were her companions were staying. He then sent for a tailor that would come first thing in the morning. She should look like a little princess and would never in want of anything. That was the least he could do for Marian.

-OOO-

Leaving the ruins Susanna watched Marian and Anders carefully. It was like they were two whole different people than the once they had been travelling with. Anders was still funny, but there was a serious to him that she hadn't noticed before. His eyes were constantly on Marian and he was aware of everything she did. Constantly making sure she wasn't harmed and he was almost fussing over her. She wondered how they had ever survived any fighting if he was so concentrated on her that he couldn't focus. On their way out of the ruins however they ran into a small dragon. And seeing them fight was something else entirely. Anders was focused as was Marian and they worked together in complete harmony. The rumours about their capabilities weren't exaggerated. It was only after the battle that Anders started to fuss over Marian again. Marian merely smiled at him and told him she was fine. Susanna had never seen anyone that much in love. Though it did remind her a little of herself and Phillip. Phillip was cheerful and she suspected it was because Anders' attentions were now placed on someone else than her. When they reached Oran, Phillip told him about The Tranquil's true identity and Oran was baffled. For the first few miles down the mountains he asked a whole line of questions and Marian answered them all with a patience that Susanna had not come to expect from her. After that Oran started to grumble over the fact that he hadn't been there and how much he had missed. When they made camp that evening Marian started to tell them about how her and Anders had been captured. How they had tried to perform the rite on him, how they had removed Justice and how they had left her in the dungeon for dead. Marian told them that they hadn't bothered to lock the door and when she snuck out she saw cells with bodies still in them. That was the reason why the templars believed her to be dead. They were so sure of themselves and didn't bother with removing the bodies in the dungeon. Because of this they probably haven't given her a second thought once they placed her there. When she had found out that they had succeeded in making Anders tranquil, she wanted to die. Instead she concealed herself as The Tranquil to honour and fight for those who had been made tranquil. It was only a year after that Marian got the information that the rite could be reversed and she had been trying to find a way to save him ever since. She told them nothing about Justice however and Anders was wise enough not to ask. When the others went to sleep in the tent Anders crawled down in the bedroll next to Marian. She still smelled like vanilla. Days ago he had thought it was his mind playing tricks on him. It had never occurred to him that the scent was real.

"So where do we go from here, love? Where is Lea?"

"Lea is in Kirkwall with Varric. When we were in Nevarra some of the mages in the mage underground was taking care of her. We had given them instructions what to do if something should happen to us. Do you remember Varric?"

"I am beginning to. He was a dwarf with no beard, right? And he had a crossbow named... Bianca?"

"Yes, that's Varric. He is a trusted friend and there was no doubt in my mind that he would take her in."

"We owe him a lot don't we?"

"That we do..."

He kissed her softly.

"I am guessing one of the pouches of ashes is for Lea?"

"Yes. We didn't think we could get children by normal means, but of course, when it was the least convenient I became pregnant." She gave a little giggle and Anders smiled at her.

"What about the other pouches?"

"Well, the big one is for warden-commander Amell at Soldiers peak. She wants to find a cure for the taint and these ashes might help her. When she gave me the location of the ashes, I promised to bring some for her."

"I see and the last one?"

"That's for our son, Carver."

"We have a son? When did we have a son?" Anders' eyes grew wide. How could he not remember?

"Well, you never did do anything without going all the way... They were twins, sweetheart."

"Why didn't I remember?" He said with annoyance.

"Patience, love. It will come back to you I'm sure."

"Where is Carver?"

"He is with a friend here in Ferelden. We decided to split them up in the case something should happen to us. That way should one of them have their identities revealed it wouldn't harm the other."

"Clever."

"Well, it was your idea."

"Carver... he was named for your brother right?"

"Yes... I miss them both. I wonder what they are like."

"What they are like? You haven't seen them all this time?"

"I have seen Carver a few times, but not Lea... After I lost you the most important thing was keeping them safe. The best way to do that was by staying away. I told you I hid behind that mask to make sure my family was safe. And thanks to Justice I could use his voice to sound like a man."

"So... what now?"

"Well, Alyssa said that when we returned she would help us to get a life in safety. So I guess we collect our children and start over?"

"I would like that more than anything else, love."

Anders wrapped his arms around her taking in her scent. How he had missed her. The more time he spent with her the more memories returned and the more he loved her. How he could be so lucky he would never know. Perhaps, the maker did favour the cause of mages after all? She cuddled up against him and he knew that he made her feel safe. This brave woman would come to **him** for safety and comfort. He didn't believe that she needed him, but when she was in his arms like that he did feel needed. How she could master the strength to go through all what she had been through in these past four years was beyond him. He then remembered that she referred to Justice as her companion and Justice had used a phrase of love and compassion that Anders had once used. He felt a sting of jealousy.

"Justice loves you, doesn't he?"

"I guess so... In his own way. But I think it is your love for me that he is feeling more than his own. After he helped me escape the templars he started to feel strong feelings of remorse. Most of all he regretted what had happened to you. I think he believed the only way he could bring you justice was by protecting the one thing that mattered most to you. So he started to feel very protective of me."

" I saw the way he looked at you and how he spoke to you... I'm sorry I have no right to be jealous."

"It's sweet... I was heartbroken when I lost you and Justice didn't know how to comfort me. I guess he used your memories to find a way to do that. I appreciated it. It was like having a part of you with me. He was after all a part of you as long as I had known you. Having him with me and fighting for the rights of mages... It was like I was caring on your legacy. I wanted to make sure that all your sacrifices hadn't been in vain. Besides after the way you flirted with Susanna I think I am entitled to make you feel jealous as well."

She teased and he blushed slightly. That was definitely not a proud moment for him and he was sure that she would keep on teasing him with this for years. It was ridiculous for him to be jealous of Justice. His friend had after all just protected his love and he should be grateful for it. As for the phrase he used, it would only make sense for Justice to use it. The experiences he had while being merged with Anders were the only ones he could use in order to comfort her. Besides it wasn't as if she could have a relationship with a spirit.

"Yes... I'm sorry for that. I promise if I ever lose my memories again I will keep the flirting to a minimum."

"You better! You know, for a while you had me wondering if it was Justice and not you that I lived with in Kirkwall." She teased.

Anders laughed nervously and kissed her.


	13. Chapter 13 Cured

13 Cured

Since they had no idea how Phillip and Anders would react to taking the ashes, they decided to head for the inn at Redcliff. There they could rent a room for each of them and they could get the rest they needed. Susanna had gotten her own horse since Marian wanted to share with Anders. Susanna could understand why they wanted to be so close to each other. So many years apart, but they still loved each other as strongly as the day they were separated. As Marian sat behind Anders she wrapped her arms around him. She never wanted to lose him again, if she did, she would break for certain. With one hand he took her hand and lifted it to his lips. He was not letting her go again. They reached Redcliff late in the evening. It was raining, so thankfully the innkeeper didn't ask too many questions since he figured they wanted to get dry as soon as possible and they were quickly shown to their rooms. Anders kept his hood up. He was embarrassed and uncomfortable with the scar on his forehead. Not to mention the looks people would give him. This must have been how Fenris felt every day of his life. A scar placed upon him a constant reminder of what had been done to him.

Marian had food brought up to their room and while eating their dinner they decided that Phillip and Anders would take the ashes in the morning. Susanna and Phillip said goodnight first and went to their own room. Oran insisted to stay and hear more about their adventures in Kirkwall. Marian politely told him what he wished to know, unless it was personal, which most of it was. She did it in the hope that it would help Anders to get some context between his memories and it seemed to work.

Oran finally went to his own room and Marian locked the door behind him. Anders got up behind her kissing her neck and holding her hips with his hands. As his tongue gently teased her neck she began to moan with pleasure. Four years without him and she had almost forgotten how his touches made her feel.

"I have missed you so much. I have been dreaming about nothing, but feeling your touch again for four long years." She gasped.

"I can't believe you waited for me. You could have had a normal life by now."

Another memory surfaced.

_Anders was putting on his clothes looking at her standing by the fire. He couldn't believe that she was finally his. He had tried to warn her so many times that he had lost count, but he was so grateful that she didn't heed his warnings. He wondered how long it would last. The templars were becoming more vigilant in searching for apostates in Darktown. It would only be a matter of time. Unless... He stood up and walked towards her, gently kissing her neck before she turned around._

"_I love you. I have been holding back from saying that. You should have a normal life. Not be tied down to a fugitive with no future, but I don't ever want to leave you."_

"_I love you. Don't ever leave."_

"_Do you mean that? Would you have me here... living with you? Would you tell the world, the knight-commander, that you love an apostate and will stand beside him?"_

"_I want you right here... until the day we die."_

"_For three years I have lain awake every night aching for you. I'm still terrified I'll wake up."_

_He held her close while kissing her cheek._

Suddenly he could feel the ache that he had felt through those three years as if it was occurring at that very moment. She must have felt something similar these past years. His body was aching and longing for her even as she was right in front of him. He turned her around and pushed her against the door kissing her passionately. She moaned as she returned it with equal passion. Tears started to roll down her cheeks. All the pain she had been hiding for four years was surfacing. He put both his hand on her cheeks and removed the tears with his thumbs as he continued to kiss her. Marian put her arms around his neck and made sounds that were something in between sobbing and moaning. She started to shiver from all the emotions she was feeling. Guilt, anger, pain, sadness, desire, happiness and she were in turmoil. It made her feel helpless and unable to take any action on her own. As the emotions overwhelmed her she felt her legs failing, but Anders quickly lifted her and carried her to the bed. He gently removed her clothes as she shivered nervously. Passion was spreading through his veins like a blazing fire, but he needed to go slowly. Her mental state made her fragile so she needed him to be loving and caring. He wanted to be gentle and take it slowly. He wanted it to last as long as possible. He removed his own clothes and lay down on his side next to her as she was lying on her back. He placed the weight of his body on elbow and let the hand stroke her soft dark hair. His other hand stroked her body gently, but firmly to calm all the shivers she was feeling. She started to cry again, but without making any sound. He put his lips to hers and kissed her, letting her gently suck his lower lip between the kisses. He let a little healing magic flow from his hand to soothe her. She had so many scars he didn't know of. When he had healed her in Kirkwall she almost never got a scar from it, but for years she had been on her own and had probably not received any healing. Thank the Maker for all the times she helped him in his clinic. At least he had taught her to make basic salves and potions that could help her. Her left arm went under him and started to stroke his back, as the right hand held his neck while she moved her fingers through his hair. He could feel her slowly calming and started to move his hand to her breast gently massaging it. He had no words to explain how she made him feel. Nothing he could say would do this hold she had on him justice. He began nibbling her neck in the way he knew would make her moan and gasp with pleasure. His hand went from her breast and down to the inside of her thigh. She moaned while closing her eyes and tightened the grip on his hair as she arched her body. When his hand reached her centre she started gasping his name and pulled him close to her. As she gave into her released she hugged him tightly and for that moment he felt complete bliss.

"I love you, Anders. I am afraid that if I open my eyes you won't really be here."

"I am right here, love. Don't be afraid to look at me."

She slowly opened her eyes and looked into his kind warm brown eyes. As he smiled Anders lifted himself on top of her. His one hand held the back of her thigh gently pushing it up towards her stomach. He held his gaze into her eyes as he entered her and made slow thrust into her. He kissed her as he whispered sweet words of love between them.

"You are so kind... loving... beautiful... and I don't deserve you."

"I give my love to you freely. You never ever have to do anything to deserve it. My heart belongs to you... it always did."

As she threw her head back while gasping and then arched her back. He intensified his thrusts. As she once again felt the pleasure of release it triggered his own. He kissed her deeply before lifting himself of her and rested against the headboard. She pulled the sheet over them before she rested her head against his chest. Her leg and arm wrapped around him. He held her close and kissed her hair while taking in that sweet scent of vanilla. In his arms she was cured from her own tranquillity, which for so many years had made her feel heart cold and loveless.

-OOO-

They were in Alyssa's office going over the decree regarding mages that would be presented at the next lands meet. Thankfully a lot of nobles had magic somewhere in their bloodline, which made this task easier. The fact that Alyssa, The Hero of Ferelden, was mage had also helped matters. The only ones who had openly objected to the Ferelden circle getting their autonomy was the chantry. Because of the templars, who represented the chantry, behaviour over the past years they were regarded with almost as much suspicion as the mages. Then there was of course the business between Ferelden and Orlais. The Divine was after all seated in Orlais and some had feared that Orlais would use the chantry against Ferelden, with the hope of regain their lost province. For that reason people were also hoping that the mages freedom would help Ferelden against Orlais. Since the templars had been so reluctant to let mages join the battle at Ostagar it was most nobles hope, that the circle could be more relied upon in the future. For better or worse however the civil war in Orlais had weakened them and the threat of war between the two nations seemed less likely. When it became public knowledge that the Divine herself had helped the mages in Val Royeaux, those who were for the chantrys control was forced to review their opinion on mages. This first decree was merely a formality that would make public what had already been established. Mages were no longer to be contained in a circle. The following decrees would be a different matter. They would establish how to deal with the training of mages, establish how they could best reintegrated into society and an entire knew legal system had to be applied for mages. King Alistair wanted to make a separate order to deal with criminal mages that was not controlled by the chantry, but the royal leader and the lands meet. In addition it was important that mages would be seen performing public duties in order to overcome a thousand years of prejudice. Some had already been recruited into the guard and army. Bethany had been at soldier's peak for two days and was going over the last page of the decree with Alyssa.

"... and it is our hope to open a large clinic in Denerim. "

"I must say, Bethany, you are really acceding in your role as royal advisor. This is excellent work."

"Thank you. I am one of the few mages to have experienced both being in a circle and being free for an extended period of time. It has given me a good perspective, if I may say so myself."

"That you certainly may. I bet listening to Anders' ranting helped to. He talked about it constantly in Amaranthine... not that I minded though." She smiled.

"True... poor Anders... Have you heard from my sister?"

"Not yet, but I am sure she is safe. No news is good news as far as rescue plans go."

"I hope you are right... By the way his Majesty has requested your presence during the lands meet. He hopes you will remind the nobles how much mages have helped Ferelden during the last decade."

"Will the burden of being The Hero of Ferelden never end?" She noted sarcastically as she smiled.

"Probably not. But to be honest I think the King also used it as an excuse to get you to Denerim. I think he misses you."

"I miss him to."

Bethany walked over to the window and looked down at the boys enjoying their training.

"Those boys grow so fast... If they continue like this they will be ten feet tall."

"Hopefully not. I have trouble disciplining them enough as it is. Seriously, not even Shale gave me this much trouble." She giggled.

"I am sure they will be a credit to their parents."

"Thank you. You haven't had a chance to talk to them during this visit have you? Should we go down and join them?"

"I would like that."

Duncan was training with a target dummy while Oghren grumbled instructions. He was quickly improving and Alyssa was quite proud of the determination and skill he showed. Jowan was showing Justin spells from different schools of magic, thankfully leaving out blood magic. Duncan was the first to notice Alyssa and Bethany.

"Mother. Aunt Bethany. See I have improved? I am Duncan the berserker."

"I thought berserkers were big." Justin stated.

"Never judge a warrior by his height, sparklefingers. Can I be relieved commander? I am almost sober and it is terrifying me." Oghren grunted.

"Of course, Oghren. I am grateful that you take your time to train him."

"But I want to train some more..." Duncan grumbled sadly.

"I can help you train, Duncan." Bethany smiled.

"But you are a mage... how will you train me?"

"I will have you know that I trained with my twin brother often. He was warrior too." Duncan's eyes lit up and Bethany jumped into the ring. Alyssa went over to Justin and Jowan.

"... and then there are very few who are shapeshifters." Jowan explained.

"What's a shapesh... a shaper?" Justin asked.

"That is a mage who can change into animals." Alyssa explained.

"Any animal?" Justin smiled.

"Yes, but it is difficult to learn and only very few can perform it. You need to focus on the school of magic that is best suited for you."

"What do you think I would be good at?"

"You have a deep connection to the fade and are good with offensive spells. I think you would make a good arcane warrior if we can find someone to teach you when you are old enough." Jowan smiled.

"Did you hear that Duncan? I can be a warrior to." Justin smiled with pride.

"We will be the greatest warriors Thedas has ever seen." Duncan stated proudly.

Justin and Alyssa looked at Duncan and Bethany sparring. She was doing a great job training him and she was very careful not to hurt him even as she provided a challenge for him. Justin then gave Alyssa a curios look.

"Do you know any shapers?"

Alyssa just smiled and turned into a wolf before him. Morrigan had taught her years ago how to run into a wolf. It was very difficult and despite years of training Alyssa had mastered no other forms. It was not a skill she used often as it would allow her to sneak into places unnoticed. It was her secret weapon in a sense. She missed Morrigan sometimes. They did not always agree, but even so a real friendship had evolved between them. She had found Morrigan again some years ago and she had provided Alyssa with the part of her "dark ritual" that allowed her to conceive a child. Alistair was concerned about the son he had with Morrigan, but Alyssa was not. She did not fully trust Morrigan, but she had never done anything to suggest that she couldn't be trusted. Alyssa owed her so much... her life, Alistair's life and her family. Justin's eyes grew wide and a big smile appeared on his face. She then turned back into herself.

"Woooow..."

"You better get back to your training, sweetheart."

She kissed him on his forehead and went back outside the ring.

-OOO-

The next morning Anders and Phillip drank the ashes. Phillip felt a little nauseous after, but other than a loss of appetite he didn't seem to show any serious symptoms. Anders however felt very weak. The taint in his body was fighting back making him feverish, nauseated and fatigued. It didn't seem serious, but it would take time for him to recover, so until he felt better they would have to stay at Redcliff. Despite she was sad that Anders was sick, after so many years apart Marian enjoyed taking care of him. Making him potions to help with the nausea, bringing him tea and cooling his fever with a wet towel.

"Thank you for doing this, love."

"You have healed me so many times, it is only fair that I return the favour. Besides I like taking care of you. You were always far too busy in Kirkwall for me to properly spoil you as I wanted to." She smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Be careful. I might not want to get back up from this bed if you spoil me too much." He joked.

"The horror... I am reduced to a servant." She remarked sarcastically and tried to pout as if she was hurt. He laughed, but then began to cough. She gave him some tea with herbs he had instructed her to use and he fell asleep shortly after. She felt his brow and was relieved to find that the fever had cooled. She lay down beside him gently placing a hand upon his chest.

-OOO-

Three weeks had pasted since Fenris, Varric, Isabela and Lea was brought to Stark Haven. Sebastian was spending a lot of time with Lea. It made Varric nervous. She might be Marian and Anders' daughter, but she was **his** little girl. All Varric wanted was to be back at The Hanged Man with a pint and telling stories while he knew Lea was sleeping safely in the next room. Varric also didn't like the way Sebastian treated Lea. He wasn't unkind... quite the opposite in fact. He bought her toys, clothes and played with her. Void he had even bought her a pony and was teaching her how to ride. He was buying her love and Varric suspected why. Sebastian had tried to hide it, but Varric knew that Sebastian had loved Hawke. _"Andrastes tits. There was hardly a man in Kirkwall, who hadn't been in love with her at some point." _He had been there when Sebastian had warned her about Anders. A friendly concern, but also a last hope that she would see reason and leave Anders.

"_I know you and Anders. It isn't my place to question, but please... be careful. He is dangerous man and selfish. Whatever he promised never think he will put you above his own needs."_

"_I know you mean well, Sebastian and you concern is heart warming, but I never expected him to put me above what he believes to be right. What you call selfish I believe to be a general love for all his fellow mages. This is so much bigger than just him. I never expected or wanted to be more important than his cause. Just as if I loved you I would never expect you to put me above the Chantry."_

"_Surely you do not compare serving the Maker with his ridiculous cause."_

"_In terms of how much it means to him, I do. I promise, Sebastian, I will be careful."_

Marian had not chosen Sebastian and had not headed his warnings. Now Sebastian would make the last person Anders loved choose him over her father. Sebastian was reflecting all his love and regard for Marian on Lea. What bothered Varric the most however was that Sebastian had arranged for two hours a day were Lea would be taught the stories of Andraste and the chant of light. They were of course told in a way that made mages the eternal villains and threat. If Anders knew what Sebastian was teaching his daughter he would be furious, but perhaps that was the point. Varric had of course not taught her any of this and he felt as if his authority as her guardian was being overruled. They might live in fancy rooms and be given good meals, but for all intent and purposes they were prisoners. Sebastian, thankfully, knew nothing about Lea's powers and Fenris had instructed her not to talk about it or help anyone. Fenris was good with authority and Lea always listened to him. Not like Varric who was always giving into her please.

They were sitting in the library. Sebastian was telling Lea about Andraste. She seemed to lose focus from time to time, but Sebastian just smiled at this. They were after all not as interesting as Varric's wild tales he was sure.

"...So magic is to serve man never to rule over him." Sebastian explained.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that mages a capable of terrible things and we must ensure that they don't hurt or try to control anyone."

"But mages do not rule?"

"Not here, thanks to Andraste. But in some places in Thedas they do. In Tevinter mages rule everything. Hasn't Fenris told you?"

"He called them magisters not mages."

"A magister is a mage with power and influence."

"So not all mages have power?"

"All mages a dangerous, Lea. They can be possed by demons and then their will is no longer their own. Listen

"_The first of the Maker's children watched across the Veil  
and grew jealous of the life  
They could not feel, could not touch.  
In blackest envy were the demons born."_

This is why they can never be trusted. All of them are dangerous."

"But some mages help people. My father helped the sick."

Sebastian felt anger rising in his veins. He took a deep breath hoping to control his rage. She was after all not responsible for her father's deeds and did not deserve anger that was not meant for her. It would also make sense that Varric hadn't told her about Anders. She was, after all, still so young. Her innocent eyes calmed his anger, cured him of his vengeance... momentarily.

"Even your father killed a lot of people."

Lea looked at him with suspicion.

"If he was good why would he kill?"

"Because he was a mage corrupted by his powers. No matter how good a mage may seem they are always a danger. That is why they must be locked up. For other people's safety as well as their own."

Lea looked pale and tears started forming in her eyes as she pulled away from Sebastian.

"I want, Varric."

He looked at her little face and cursed himself. He was finally making some progress with her and now he had scared her. What did he expect? Telling her such things about her father. He stroked her hair trying to comfort her, but without any luck. Sebastian nodded and had a guard escort her to the rooms were Varric, Isabela and Fenris was. As soon as the door opened Lea ran crying towards Varric and held him. Isabela closed the door, while Fenris kneeled next to Lea.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Fenris asked.

"He said that father killed people. He said... mages... magic... I don't... want to be... locked... up." She said between sobs. She buried her head in Varric's chest and when she had calmed a bit Fenris picked her up and sat her on a table. He then looked into her eyes. He couldn't believe what he was about to say. He was defiantly not the same man anymore.

"Freedom does not come without a price. To free myself from slavery I had to kill a lot of people. If I hadn't I would still be a slave or be dead. Are you afraid of me?"

She shook her head and Isabela dried her eyes with a handkerchief. He continued.

"Your father wanted to free a lot of people. I knew your father and he never killed because he liked it. He did it only when he believed it to be necessary."

"Like Andraste?"

Varric and Isabela had to suppress a chuckle. If Sebastian had heard her compare her father to Andraste he would have been furious. The innocence of a child is a wonderful thing. They are not coloured and damage as adults are and see similarities that others tend to overlook. Varric finally answered.

"Like the champion did. Your mother had to kill a lot of quanari, humans, elves and dwarfs to keep people in Kirkwall safe."

Lea looked like she began to understand and they grew quiet. She then looked up at them.

"Should I be locked up?"

"No of course not, Kitten. You have done nothing wrong." Isabela smiled. Ironic... the only person in that room who could honestly say they had never harmed anyone, was the one who had to be most concerned for her freedom. They needed to get her out of there. Soon.


	14. Chapter 14 Poisen

14 Poison

Over two weeks had pasted and Anders had still not recovered. A war was being fought inside him and the strain on his body was beginning to show. Some days it would seem like nothing more than a fever and other days he would be withering in agony. Marian was terrified. This night had been particularly difficult. Anders had a high fever, shivered, moaning in pain and gone in and out of consciousness. In the late hours of the night he had finally seemed to calm down and she had fallen asleep beside him.

"Wake up, love."

She heard his voice while he gently stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. She opened her eyes and looked into his warm brown eyes.

"Good morning... how are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling much better... I think the worst is over."

She sat up and felt his forehead to find out if he still had a temperature. She gasped as she saw his forehead. The brand that had been burned into his skin was gone. She grabbed one of his arms looking for scars she knew would be there. They were all gone. Anders stared at her with a confused look.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Your scars… they have healed… all of them."

He placed his hand on his forehead trying to feel the brand, but it was gone. He stood up from the bed a little too quickly as he began to waver, but Marian got up on her knees and supported him. When he was stable once more he went to the looking glass on top of a small drawer in the corner of the room. He stood the starring at himself, his hand rubbing where the brand had used to be. He was shaking as Marian went up behind him and held him tight. He turned around and tears were forming in his eyes as he smiled. She placed both her hands on his cheeks and gently pulled his head down to allow her to kiss his forehead. He then pulled her close, each other's faces burrowed in each other's necks. This nightmare they had both lived through these past four years was finally over. When Marian finally pulled away from his embrace she dried his tears with her small fingers. He took her hand and kissed it. She gave him a soft gaze.

"What about the taint? Can you feel any difference?"

"I don't feel different, but since there aren't any darkspawn around it is hard to tell."

"Is there any way to find out without jumping into the nearest entrance to the deeproads?"

"I suppose the only other options are the wardens, but I am not sure I would be welcome there."

"Alyssa said that we would always be welcome at soldier's peak. Then I will also have the opportunity to deliver the ashes in person."

"How did you even meet her? I thought the two of you never met."

"We didn't… After you were made t… tranquil… I found Isabela. She knew I needed to hide so she contacted Zevran in the hope that he would knew of some place where I would be safe until I recovered. He then contacted Alyssa. She is so kind Anders… She took such good care of me and comforted me. I don't know what I would have done without her."

Anders' expression turned sad.

"I wonder what she thinks of me..."

"She thinks highly of you, love. I am not sure she will ever accept what you did in Kirkwall, but she cares greatly for you and Justice. When I thanked her for helping me she told me that had she known nothing about me other than that you loved me, she would do anything to keep me safe."

"Alyssa always had a sense of the dramatic. So the wardens then?"

Marian nodded and kissed him. They then got dressed and went down stairs to the others. Marian had told them they didn't have to stay, but Susanna had insisted that she should not be left alone, when Anders was so sick. Phillip had no difficulties other than nausea the first couple of days. Susanna had even let him test his templar abilities on her to see if they still worked. They did despite that there wasn't any lyrium in his bloodstream. The extend of the chantry's desire to control was truly disturbing. Anders had truly been right, when he said that the chantry had replaced one form of oppression with another. Susanna found herself wondering of it would be different this time. Would they succeed in finally making a just society or would there be another war in a thousand years? Was the history of Thedas doomed to repeat itself over and over? Not a reassuring thought. Perhaps if accurate records of what had happened were made, this would change. From Andreaste's time they only had very few records and all of them were in the hands of the chantry. Perhaps this time they should be kept where all were allowed to see them maybe that would keep history from repeating itself. When they saw Anders they were all in chock. The brand had always been the one thing that they could never undo. The eternal proof that templars had taken power over them and now it was gone. Susanna had noticed that some of Phillips scar were missing, but hadn't given it much thought. Susanna stood up and hugged Anders and then Marian, while Phillip was smiling. Since he had seen the unconditional devotion Anders had for Marian he had been much more at ease around him. They had even been on friendly terms, but he was still suspicious of Marian. He really didn't like this game she seemed to be playing, but what lengths wouldn't he go through to protect the once he loved... to protect Susanna. Maker, he loved her. Seeing what she was willing to do for him had touch a part of him he didn't knew existed. He felt a little ashamed of admitting it to himself, but thank the maker for Anders' determination to start this revolution. Had he not Phillip and Susanna would never have met and even if they did they would have no change of being together. At least now they had a chance, however small it might seem. After sitting chatting for awhile Marian had to bring up a subject that saddened her.

"We are going to leave in a few days, when we are sure Anders is well enough."

"Where will you go?" Susanna asked. She had become quite fond of Marian during these past weeks.

"We are going to visit some friends near Highever, but they live in secret so we must go alone."

"I understand. We have decided to go to Denerim. We heard rumours that they announce a new decree regarding the right of mages. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"I hope it states "And from now on all mages will be allowed to have their own harem"." Oran mused.

"Oh Oran... You make the case for mages so well. What would we do without you?" Phillip remarked his voice dripping with sarcasm. Anders gave a smirk and Marian chuckled slightly.

"I know. For years to come I will be the mage everyone else will strive to become. It is difficult to live up to, but such is my burden." Oran laughed.

"Have you heard any information about what this decree will contain?" Anders asked.

"Not yet, but I will give you the address to where we will be staying and we can keep in touch." Susanna answered.

"Thank you. We would like that." Marian smiled.

-OOO-

After making Lea feel so uncomfortable with him, Sebastian had done his best to regain her trust. He had held back on her lessons and instead used his time just spoiling her and making her happy. She was very fond of animals and when Sebastian had taken her for a tour in the city she had fawned over a litter of kittens. He had of course gotten one for her. He enjoyed spending his time with her, in his mind he started fantasizing that she was his flesh and blood. It was consuming him this love for her. Making her smile filled his heart with a serenity he had struggled to achieve even as a brother of faith. What was this hold she had on him? Was it the fact alone that she was Marian's daughter? Lea should have been **his**. Had Marian only seen reason when Anders destroyed the chantry, killed him and supported the templars. Then she would be vicountess of Kirkwall, Princess of Stark Haven, the mother of an heir to the throne and alive with him. Instead she chose the life of an abomination, a life as a fugitive, mother to an orphan and death. He would not fail again. He would get through to Lea and protect her from every mistake her mother made. Sebastian was reading a story to Lea and though he was not Varric she listened intensely to every word passing his lips. They were interrupted when Sebastian's bodyguard Drea entered. He then asked a guard to take her to Varric.

"Excuse the intrusion, my lord."

"It's alright. What can I do for you?"

"I wanted to know when to set the next phase in motion. The girl has been here for over a month, isn't it time to inform Anders?"

"No."

"But, your grace..."

"I will tell you when it is time. Do we have an understanding?" He snapped.

"Of course... my apologize."

She turned around and left the room. He had changed over these past six weeks. His desire for revenge on Anders was now replaced by fear. He was afraid that Anders would find out that Sebastian had his daughter. He was afraid that Anders would take her away, afraid that Lea would reject him as her mother did. She was just a child, but this hold she had on him was frightening, rewarding and blissful all at the same time. He ever wanted to let her go and if that meant never getting his revenge on Anders then so be it. In a way this would be a form of revenge. Anders would search all of Thedas looking for his daughter and never find her. But what would Sebastian do about Varric, Fenris and Isabela? He couldn't keep them as prisoners forever, but could he kill his former allies to keep Lea hidden? Would it even work if he did? He sunk down in a chair trying to get his mind around what to do.

Drea went back to her quarters. She had been in Sebastian's service for over three years now. She was a noble in Stark Haven, but was trained as a bard. She was only the third daughter so her dowry wasn't very large, her father had decided that she needed to learn some skills that would let her excel in other areas. Drea had been fascinated with Sebastian since she met him. He was so fervent in believe, kind and brave, but she knew that the chance of the Prince of Stark Haven marrying the daughter of a minor noble was unlikely. She had later discovered another reason for this being impossible. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her black armour was covering everything, but her green eyes and pale skin. This armour had been commissioned by the prince himself. She removed her hood revealing her long red hair and her lightly freckled face. She was very pretty, but that didn't matter. Sebastian had recruited her for her skill of course, but mostly for her eyes. Drea had seen him starring at the picture of the champion often enough. Her features were hidden so only her eyes showed. This way Sebastian could pretend that Drea was her. It had been enough for a while, but now. Since the little girl had come his affections had been redirected at her. This obsession of his was hurting her and she found herself jealous of a four year old. She looked so much like her mother. Jealousy was burning in her veins and she wanted to be rid of the intruder. She decided that since Sebastian would not take action she would. She decided to contact the guard captain in Kirkwall.

-OOO-

They were closing in on Soldier's Peak. It had taken almost five days for Anders to recover, but now they were finally on the move and getting closer to their destination. Words could not explain how wonderful it felt to have her Anders back. In Kirkwall Anders had always seemed so lost and to the outside world it had always seemed like he needed Marian more than she did him. The truth was that she had relied on him since the beginning of their friendship. He was her guide, her confidant and her advisor. After losing both her father and Carver she had felt so lost. She had the burden of keeping her family safe, but after Carver's death she did no longer trust her judgement or capability. She needed Anders to confirm, what she was thinking and deciding was the right thing. After Bethany was taken to the Gallows this became even more evident. Until that point in her life her father and Bethany had been her only confidants. She loved her mother, but she was always so worried and she didn't want to burden her further. After they moved to Kirkwall, Bethany became depressed and worried as well. When she was taken to the Gallows, Marian felt more alone than ever. Anders filled that whole with his presence alone. He was the only one who could heal her body, soul and heart. After losing him, she had been desperate. Justice had tried his best to make up for the loss, but it wasn't the same. Having Anders at her side once more she dared to hope for the first time in years.

"_You need to tell him."_

"_No, Justice... I want him to find out on his own."_

"_It is not just to keep things from him like you do."_

"_Please, let me do this my way." _

Anders looked at her with a smile.

"You are talking to Justice aren't you?"

"Yes... we have a difference of opinion. He is a good advisor, but I am a terrible listener I'm afraid." She blushed.

"That sounds familiar." He smiled. Then his face got more serious almost sad. They were almost at Soldier's peak.

"Anders, what's wrong?"

"I can feel the wardens..."

They exchanged sad looks and Marian had to try hard not to cry. If he could feel the wardens then the taint in his blood haven't been cured. She could lose him again in only a few years and worse she could lose her children even before they would have been given a chance at life. They got to the keep and were stopped by two warden recruits.

"I am senior warden Anders and this is my... wife. We are here to see warden-commander Amell."

"Yes, she has been expecting you. Ian, will you take their horses then I'll go find the commander?" One of the recruits answered. The other one nodded and took the horses. They followed one of the recruits inside and were asked to wait in the hall. Marian smiled sheepishly at Anders.

"Wife?"

"Yes, I... lover or partner seemed so insufficient. We might not be married, but that is what you are. And since we do have two children it might be about time that I make you decent and marry you." He smirked and pulled her close.

"You know that is the poorest proposal I have ever heard. Besides who says that I want you?" She teased.

He was about to respond by kissing her senseless, when he was stopped by a woman running down the stairs and throwing her arms around Marian. Alyssa then turned to Anders and gave him a very long hug. She then suddenly stopped and looked at him with a curious look.

"I am so happy to see you both... Anders? Did you take the ashes?"

"Yes, I did... But it didn't work. I am still able to feel the wardens." He replied sadly.

"I am not so sure. The taint... I don't sense it in you. We need to get some samples of your blood to Avernassus. But first there is someone I would like you to meet." She smiled.

They were let into the common room, where Duncan was reading. He stood up when he saw his mother and went towards them.

"Aunt Marian." He smiled. Duncan had only met her a few times, but he had always taken a liking to her.

"Anders this is my son, Duncan. Duncan, this is Anders. He is a gray warden."

Duncan very politely greeted Anders and gave Marian a shy hug. Alyssa then looked at him.

"Where is Justin?"

"He went to the kitchen for an apple. He will be right back."

Alyssa asked them to sit down at the table and Marian told her about their journey. Alyssa was the only one except for Merill who knew the identity of The Tranquil. Anders was so pleased that his old friend had gone through such lengths to protect his love. He didn't feel worthy of such a friendship, but Alyssa said that he was being silly for thinking such thoughts. He in returned argued that she was foolish for blaming herself for what happened between him and Justice. It was clear to him that it was a burden that she had carried around for many years and she truly felt relieved that he didn't blame her. Apparently Alyssa had been just as afraid that he wouldn't consider her a friend at Anders had been of her. Justin then came into the room and looked intensely at the man he had never seen before. He then turned his gaze and started smiling.

"Mother..." He almost whispered and went towards them. He looked a little like Duncan and Anders rejoiced that Alyssa had gotten two such fine boys. Alyssa and Marian stood up as the boy came running towards them. Anders turned around as the boy ran towards then women. Anders was puzzled when he saw that Justin was hugging Marian who had lifted him into his arms. She held him close and kissed his hair. Then it dawned on Anders. Marian smiled at him.

"Anders, this is Carver Justin Hawke."


	15. Chapter 15 Protected

15 Protected

Carver Justin Hawke. Anders remembered now. He was the first of the twins to be born. He had been far stronger and larger than his sister so those first few weeks Marian had been the one to take care of him. Anders had taken care of Lea because she was so little and needed a lot of healing. That was why he remembered her before Carver. Even when he was born Carver had looked as much like Anders as Lea had Marian. His first name, Carver, was after Marian's dead brother. His middle name Justin, was Marian's idea. He was named after... Justice. Anders stood up and walked over to Marian who was carrying Carver in her arms. Anders closed his eyes trying to resolved himself. He then looked in to Carver's brown eyes and couldn't help, but smile at the resemblance.

"Hello Carver or is it Justin? I'm Anders."

"Only mother calls me Carver, but I don't care. Are you a mage?"

"Yes I am. How did you know?"

"Sigrun told me about you. Do you want to see me throw a fireball?"

"Fireball?" Marian gasped.

"Not in here you don't, young man. Take it out to the ring. He discovered his powers about three months ago. Fire is apparently his thing." Alyssa said in a strict but kind tone as she smiled.

"Do you want to see my magic, mother?" Carver asked Marian.

"I'd love to."

"I have been training with swords." Duncan commented clearly feeling left out.

"I would like to see that as well."

"Duncan, why don't you and Justin go down to the ring and we will be right there." Alyssa smiled at her son. The boys then ran off. Anders sat down completely overwhelmed. Marian sat down next to him and stroked his back. She had wanted his meeting with Carver to be a surprise, but now she questioned the wisdom of it. She should have listened to Justice. She could feel Justice stir. Carver and Lea was as much his children as they were Anders and Marian's. Justice was swelling with pride when he had felt his son's presence. He could feel that the boy was both strong and proud. A true warrior despite his mage abilities. Marian couldn't help, but smile as she sense Justice's emotions. Alyssa broke the silence.

"He is so much like you, Anders. Funny, teasing and he has a talent for mooching cookies from the kitchen staff. You wouldn't believe all the trouble he gets into. He set Avernassus chair on fire a few weeks ago."

"Was anyone hurt?" Anders asked concerned. He remembered when he discovered his own powers. He had nearly burned his father's barn down to the ground and he had been far older than Carver.

"No no... With all the wardens here they are never alone long enough for something serious to happen. Besides it was my son who encouraged him to do it." She shook her head while smiling.

"He has been living here since I got captured?"

"Yes, my love. When I fled from Nevarra I brought Carver here. Alyssa was kind enough to take him in." Marian smiled while holding Anders' hand.

"I have done my best to raise him. He and Duncan are like brothers and I have raised them as such. Alistair and I have done our best to treat them both as our own flesh and blood. I love Justin... Carver like he was my own son, but he has always been aware that Marian was his mother. To the outside world however he has been my child. He and Duncan looks a little like each other so it wasn't difficult to make people make that assumption." Alyssa smiled.

"How can we ever repay you for everything you have done for us?" Anders said as he looked up at his old friend feeling more undeserving of her friendship than ever.

"You have brought me the possible cure for me, my husband and child. In addition to that you have given me the honour of loving your wonderful son for almost four years. You owe me nothing."

Anders stood up and hugged Alyssa. He then took Marian's hand and asked to be shown to the training grounds. As soon as they got down there Anders jumped into the ring. He was determined not to miss more of his son's childhood. Marian stood outside the ring with tears in her eyes. Seeing Anders instructing their son in use of magic was something she had only dared to dream of these past years. Alyssa got up next to her.

"I was thinking... I'm leaving for Denerim in a few days. Would you mind staying here taking care of the boys? It might give you both a change to get to know your son."

"We would like that."

"I don't mean to intrude, but what are your plans? I hope you will stay in Ferelden, I would hate to be cut out of Justin, I mean Carver's life. I love him so dearly."

"We haven't really talked about it, but we really don't have anywhere else to go. We need a fresh start with both our children."

"Well, for now you can stay here. Anders has to have some examinations done by Avernassus anyway. If you can send for your daughter she will be welcome here as well."

"Thank you, Alyssa. You must be the kindest person I have ever met."

"Runs in the family I suppose. I will try to bring Bethany back with me, when I return from Denerim."

Their conversation was cut short when Carver conjured a fireball that complete incinerated the target dummy. Anders laughed loudly and lifted Carver up over his head. Carver was grinning from ear to ear and Marian could truly she the resemblance between father and son.

"What have I created? Now I have two of them!" She grinned.

"My sympathies... I don't know which is worse, two times Anders or two times Alistair." Alyssa grinned.

-OOO-

Another dinner party. Time had certainly changed her, but for the better. She had so much in her life now. It had purpose, meaning and love. She felt lonely though. It hadn't been the same since Hawke left Kirkwall and at times she even missed Isabela's rude comments. She looked at the time. Where was Donnic? He should have been home almost an hour ago. She had put her five year old son to bed early because of their guest and now her husband might be late? She feared for a moment that his patrol might have gone poorly, but he was with one of the healers she had employed in the guard. Hawke had once told her that by locking up mages Thedas was keeping one of its greatest assets from being used to its full potential. She never fully understood that until now. This past year the amount of injuries had been cut in half in part because of the mages assistance. She looked out the window and finally saw him coming towards their house.

"I'm sorry love, but an important message came as I reported back to the Barracks. I thought it best to bring it home with me."

Aveline kissed him on his cheek and then opened the letter.

"_To Aveline Vallen, Captain of the Kirkwall city Guard._

_Your friends Fenris, Isabela and Varric Thethras is currently being held hostage by Prince Sebastian Vael. He is also in possession of the terrorist Anders and Marian Hawke's daughter, Leandra Hawke. If our terms are not met she will be killed._

_To have you friends returned safely to you, I request that you inform Anders were his daughter may be found. He is asked to come to Stark Haven alone and unarmed, if he has his daughter's best interest at heart._

_A well meaning friend."_

"Well meaning my ass!" Aveline grumbled. She handed Donnic the note and his expression turned grim. How many times hadn't he and Aveline taken care of Lea while Varric had important business? Lea and their son had grown up together.

"Do we know where to find Anders?" Donnic said his voice full of concern.

"No, but I know who to contact in case something like this should happen. I will have to leave tonight I can't trust this to anyone else. No one is to know anything about this. Will you excuse me to our guests?"

"Of course love. Be careful."

Aveline quickly packed and put on her armour. Not the city guard armour, but one of her old once. Within the hour she kissed goodbye Donnic and said goodbye to their son. Hopefully this wouldn't be a pointless endeavour.

-OOO-

"We have to get out of here." Fenris sneered. Being locked up in this castle for two months was begging to make him highly agitated and had him brooding more than usually. Sebastian was constantly keeping Lea from them and they couldn't risk escaping without her. Isabela was getting restless. She had tried to seduce the guards, but without any success and she was beginning to wonder if Sebastian had employed eunuchs for the task of guarding them. Varric had his hands full whenever Lea was allowed to see them. Sebastian had tried his hardest so turn Lea against her father by telling her about all his worst qualities. Varric's job was in turn so cleanse Sebastian's vengeful words and tell her what Anders' reason for his actions was. Maker Varric hated Sebastian at the moment. This wasn't something a four year old should hear. He had tried so hard all her life to keep the ugly truths from her and give her a good impression of her parents. Her parents were good people. They were just placed in difficult situations. Thankfully Lea's trust in Varric made Sebastian's explanations seem to have less merit. After Lea had been told that her father was alive she had become increasingly curious about him. Varric and Isabela took turns describing his personality and his looks to her and despite Sebastian's attempts, to make her father a villain, Lea had created her own heroic image of Anders. Varric couldn't decide if she was naive or a hopeless romantic. Though considering what her father was like probably a bit of both. Then again she was only a child. He had to keep reminding himself of her age, because of all the weight Sebastian was increasingly putting on her young shoulders. _"That son of a bitch!"_

"I know, Fenris, but we need a plan and a good one." Isabela grumbled.

"To bad the guards has so high standards." Fenris smirked sarcasticly.

"If you two are done bickering, perhaps we should try to come up with something useful."

"We could challenge Sebastian to a game of riddles and make "how do we get out of here?" one of the questions?" Isabela shrugged.

"Oh, come on. Hawke used to stuff like this all the time. We must have learned something useful."

"Last time I was involved in a prison break was in Orlais and Talis is not around this time." Fenris remarked.

"If I can get out of here, maybe I can sneak into that Drea-womans office. She must have some plans or something over this blighted castle." Isabela answered.

Varric and Fenris agreed and tried to find out how to distract the guards.

-OOO-

If the past four years had been the stuff of nightmare than this past week had been the sweetest dream Marian and Anders had ever had. They spend as much time as they could with the boys. Anders and Carver where getting close and Marian was surprised how easy it seemed for them. They five first months of their twins life Anders had been a caring father, but seeing him now, interacting with their son was so much more than that. He was kind and teasing but also firm. Marian felt herself falling in love with him all over again. But even in midst of all this happiness something was still missing... Lea. Marian longed to see her. She tried to imagine what she looked like, what her voice, her laughter. Was she kind or mischievous, defiant or obedient? Marian had to laugh at the last thought. She couldn't imagine any child of Anders' being obedient and definitely not one who had also been raised by Varric. Marian longed to hold Lea in her arms, but she also feared taking her away from the life she knew. She imagined the tears and heartache Lea would feel being taken away from Varric and everything that was familiar to her. But Anders and Marian could not live in Kirkwall and Varric never wanted to be anywhere else. Marian was standing in the bedroom that had been provided for them at Soldier's peak and starring into the fireplace deep in thought. Anders had just put the boys to bed and was standing in the door just watching her. She looked just like the first night he had come to her estate. The night where he had finally confessed how deeply he loved her. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"What are you thinking, love?"

"I was thinking about how wonderful this past week has been."

"It has been wonderful, but you looked sad. Tell me what is the matter?"

"I was thinking about Lea... and Carver... and you... The thought of losing all three of you to the taint..." She paused trying hard not to cry.

"Shhh... it will be alright, love. Avernassus said he would have the results by morning. He has been able to prolong his life for this long, if anyone can find a cure it's him."

She turned around in his arms and kissed him deeply. His arms were the only place in all of Thedas where she could find comfort. She felt a little guilty after all had Justice had tried to do for her. His advice and kind words had helped, but nothing cold compare to being in Anders' embrace. They were interrupted when Carver appeared in the door with watery eyes. Anders went over to him and lifted him into his arms.

"Bad dreams?"

Carver nodded.

"Do you want to sleep here tonight, sweetheart?" Marian asked.

Carver nodded again and Anders carried him to the bed. This had been happening almost every night this week. Carvers nightmares were terrible. The darkspawn taint gave him restless nights and he was hardly ever well rested. This made it difficult for him to control his powers and keep his focus. Anders had told Marian that he was worried that Carver would lose control over his powers because of it and both of them were reminded of Anders' experience with Coryphaeus.

"_Marian, give Carver the medallion."_

"_Why?"_

"_I will be able to keep some of the nightmares at bay and give him the guidance he needs. If he has the medallion I will always be able to protect and watch over him. Then you and Anders will not need to worry so."_

"_Are you sure about this, Justice?"_

"_Yes... Let me keep your son safe. That is the least I can do."_

"_I will miss you."_

"_And I you, but it is not like I will be gone. I am here for you, whatever you need."_

Marian took of the medallion and placed it around Carvers neck. She sat down beside him on the bed and took his hand. She then pressed the symbol that allowed Justice to show himself. Anders looked at Marian with surprise, but kept silent. Carver was surprised and a little scared, but Marian gave him a comforting smile while Anders softly stroked his hair.

"Carver, this is Justice. He is a spirit of justice and a very trusted friend of both your father and I. He lives inside of this medallion. Since you where very little he has protected me and now he is going to protect you."

"I will do my best to guide you and keep you safe. As long as you wear the medallion I will make sure no harm ever comes to you." Justice said in a gentle voice.

"Are you a warrior?" Carver said as he pointed at Justice's armour.

"I am a spirit of justice, but I have been both a warrior and a mage."

"Can you teach me? I want to become a great warrior and defend people."

"And rescue damsels in distress?" Anders chuckled.

"Eeeeeeewwww... No!" Carver objected with a disgusted look on his face that made both Anders and Marian give a small laugh.

"I will be able to help you train those abilities as you become older, yes." Justice answered.

"Awesome... Will you be able to keep the nightmares away?" Carver asked a little more concerned.

"Not all of them, but some. Another thing, it might be wise not to mention me to others. It is a secret. Will you promise me to keep it?"

Carver nodded and then yawned sleepily. Marian tucked him in and after saying goodnight to Justice she made him retreat back into the necklace. Hopefully it would help their son. Anders was concerned what effect Justice would have on Carver, but reminded himself, that this was not a joining like his had been. This was in many ways no different than when Justice was still separated from Anders. With the taint in his blood at such a young age, Carver would need all the discipline he could get.

-OOO-

The next morning Anders and Marian went up the tower to speak with Avernassus, while Carver and Duncan were receiving their lessons. A couple of years ago Alyssa had employed a scholar to tutor the boys in a number of different subjects. She had made it a point that it was important that they had a proper education, so they would have more skills than just "smashing things to bits" as Alistair had put it. Marian was very grateful for this. They went up the final set of stairs and before knocking on the door to Avernusses' study, Anders took Marian's hand and squeezed it lovingly.

"Come in... Aahh there you are. You will be glad to know that the results I have found are most interesting indeed."

"Does that mean that Anders is no longer tainted?" Marian asked apprehensively.

"No, but the taint has been purified of its corruption."

"What does that mean exactly?" Anders asked.

"Well over the years I have used blood magic to hold back the corruption in the taint. The taint itself gives wardens increased stamina, strength and the ability to sense each other. But within the taint there is a corruption, a virus you might call it, which damages our bodies. It is this virus I have held at bay using blood magic. The ashes you have taken however have cures the taint of this virus."

"And it is the virus that makes us experience the calling? So how long do I have left?"

"Well, that is always the question isn't it. From what my research shows you won't experience the calling. As for how long you will live I will leave that up to your own stupidity."

Anders didn't even bother to respond to the insult, but instead hugged Marian tightly who had wrapped her arms around his neck and given a loud gasp of excitement. When he released her, he kept one arm around her waist.

"What does this mean for the children?"

"If they take the ashes they are going to be fine, but I found something even more interesting. It seems that after you taint was purified your developed a new kind of resistance to the taint. Using the Architects research I have been able to make a potion using your blood sample. I believe that adding your blood to the joining potion, will purify it. This means that not only will all who go through the joining likely survive, but they will afterwards not have to go through the calling. They will still have the nightmares of course, but that is insignificant."

"Will you be able to make a cure for all the wardens?"

"Possibly, but this will take time and I don't have long left. I will have to use my final days to instruct Jowan in my methods, so that he will be able to continue my research."

There was a knock on the door and junior warden Ian appeared in the door.

"I am sorry for interrupting, but there is an Aveline Vallen here. She claims to know you."

"Aveline?" Marian gasped as she smiled and ran out the door. Anders smiled and went after her. Over the last week he had regained what seemed to be the finally pieces of memory that had been lost. When he came down to the main hall he saw Marian hugging Aveline tightly. His smile faded however when he saw the grave expression on Aveline's face.

"Aveline what is wrong?" Marian asked concerned.

"I think we should sit down. It's good to see you Anders." She gave Anders a quick hug and then sat down. She handed Marian a letter. As Marian read it her eyes started filling with tears and rage was written all over her face.

"Love?" Anders said quietly as he stroked her back. She handed him the letter and as he read it he became more and more furious. Had he still been merged with Justice, he would have taken over by now.

"That self-righteous bastard!" Anders growled loudly.


	16. Chapter 16 Justice

16 Justice

Isabella had finally slipped past the guards. Finally there had been a guard interested in some of her many abilities and he had even been cute. After flirting with him he had let her sneak out. Now she was well on her way to Drea's quarters. They had seen Drea leave with Sebastian about an hour ago for some gathering Sebastian had been forced to attend. Lea was now back in the rooms with Varric and Fenris. Lea was getting more and more confused by the day, because of Sebastian and Varric's different accounts of her father. Isabela felt terrible. Despite Anders' ranting she had always really liked him and she knew that he had loved Marian more than anything. Never mind what the rest of the world thought of him, she believed he deserved his daughter and knew that he would love her more than anyone else could. They needed to get her away from Sebastian if she was ever to have a chance at living a happy life with her real father. Isabela was sneaking around the shadows in the grand keep without anyone noticing her. Ever since Hawke went missing she always thought of her when she did this. They used to make bets in Kirkwall who could go the furthest without being noticed. Once when they were drunk they had made a bet were they snuck into the chantry and into Sebastian's quarters and "robbed" him of all his underwear and afterwards placing it around the statue of Andraste. The next morning Hawke had been mortified and swore that she would never drink with Isabela again. She was finally at Drea's rooms and picked the lock open. She hurried to the desk to find maps of the keep. They were hoping this would show them an escape route. "Aha! Found it!" she thought as she turned around she looked into the fire place and saw a partially burned letter. Ever the scheming rogue she picked up the letter.

"_To Aveline Vallen, Captain of the Kirkwall city Guard._

_Your friends Fenris, Isabela and Varric Thethras is currently being held hostage by Prince Sebastian Vael. He is also in possession of the terrorist Anders and Marian Hawke's daughter, Leandra Hawke. If our terms are not met she will be killed._

_To have you friends returned safely and unharmed to you, I request that you inform Anders"_

The rest of the letter was burned.

"Bitch!" Isabela sneered.

She took the map and letter and went back towards their quarters. She went into the room and quickly checked if Lea was asleep. When Varric confirmed it Isabela handed him the note. Varric growled in annoyance and handed it to Fenris. When Fenris looked up from the note he asked.

"So what do we do now? Do we wait for the mage to get here or do we try and escape before hand?"

-OOO-

Of all the things Anders had been through, nothing terrified him more than the thought that his daughter might be in danger. He couldn't eat and barely slept all he could focus on was that little innocent creature he had held in his arms four years ago. His heart ached for her, desperate to know that she was safe. He was worried about Varric and the others, but nothing even compared to the anxiety he felt when thinking of Lea. He had insisted that he should sent word to Stark Haven that he would be arriving to insure that no harm would come to Lea, but Marian had refused. Instead they were now on their way to Stark Haven with a group of Ferelden royal guards and handful wardens. Anders was afraid. So many people he cared for were at risk because of an act he did years ago. He remembered Sebastian's rage and his promise to get justice... vengeance for what he had done. Anders could hardly blame him. Sebastian had a right to justice and Anders knew the desire for that all too well. But this was his daughter. His innocent little girl. Though Anders had also taken innocent lives in the name of justice. He had killed someone almost as dear to Sebastian as Lea was to him. Anders reluctantly had to admit that he didn't regret the action he had taken against the chantry all those years ago. He did regret it was necessary. He did regret the deaths of innocents. He did regret if his daughter was forced to pay the price for something he had done before she was even born. He did regret everything Marian had gone through these last many years. As they walked through Stark Haven Anders walked up next to Marian and took her hand.

"You shouldn't have come, love. It is too dangerous."

"She is my daughter too, Anders. I would not let either of you face this alone. I love you too much." She tried to smile, but her eyes were serious. Anders kissed the crown of her head and sighed.

"I love you too."

-OOO-

Fenris was pacing in the room. Being a prisoner didn't suite him one bit and he was getting more and more restless by the day.

"Maker elf! Would you stop that brooding? You are making me nervous just looking at you!" Varric grumbled.

"What would you suggest instead, Varric? We have been trapped in here for ages. I did not regain me freedom just to lose it like this."

"Would you two shut up? I need a drink." Isabela hissed as she went to the table in the middle of the room and emptied the bottle of whisky. She then looked at it and threw it across the room where it shattered.

"Damn now even the booze is gone!"

"Isabela... honestly... Lea could get hurt on those shards." Varric worried out loud.

"Would you get over yourself? She is not even here. I wonder what that toad is doing with her."

They heard noise coming from the hallway and could clearly make out Lea's angry little voice. They looked at each other and got ready for a fight. Fenris grinded his teeth. If they had laid as much as a finger on her he would rip them to pieces. The door opened and Drea came inside holding Lea a little too forcefully. Fenris' and Varric's face filled with anger, but before they could interfere Lea kicked Drea's leg and then let a spike of electricity flew from her fingers and onto Drea's hand leaving a burn mark.

"Get your hands of me you whore!" Lea yelled and then ran to Isabela who picked her up, leaving Drea with a shocked expression on her face.

"That's my girl!" Isabela applauded Lea. Growing up in The Hanged Man had its advantages as well.

"The girl is a mage? Filthy little freak! This will interest his grace I'm sure." Drea spat with anger almost pouring out of her eyes like venom. As she walked out the door however she felt it was a small victory. There was no way Sebastian would continue to love the girl now, with her father's foul magic running through her veins.

Fenris went over to Isabela and carefully looked at Lea's arm.

"Did she hurt you?" He asked concerned.

"It hurt a little, but I'm though."

"That you are Shadow." Varric laughed.

They heard some noise coming from the court yard and they went to the window. Isabela gave a gasp as they looked at the gates. About twenty people in total were standing at the gates. Some were wearing warden uniforms and some looked like guards from another city. In front were a blond man and a dark-haired woman.

"Can it really be her?" Fenris mused almost in shock.

"Who?" Lea asked.

"It has to be them. It is them!" Varric laughed hardly able to believe his own eyes.

"Who are you talking about?" Lea said as she raised her voice in annoyance.

"Kitten, can you see the blonde man with the feathers on his shoulders and the woman next to him? That is your parents."

Lea's eyes grew wide and she waved both her arms in the air hoping they would see her. All her life Varric had told her stories about the great champion of Kirkwall and the kind-hearted healer from the undercity. People who had given everything for the sake of others. They were her heroes and though she had never met them Varric's stories made it seem as if they had always been there. Always the protectors and bringer of hope. She had heard of their courage, love and devotion. To her young mind they were what she had always hoped to be and they could do no wrong. That was after all what Varric had told her.

-OOO-

Drea ran through the corridors and towards the throne room. She entered quickly and saw Sebastian giving orders to his one of his soldiers.

"They are here your Grace."

"Yes thank you Drea. That is quite an achievement since I didn't inform Anders that I was in possession of his daughter."

"With all due respect my lord, they have been gone from Kirkwall for weeks. Someone might have taken notice that they were missing and that nothing had been heard from them. Fenris did after all know of your plans when he returned to Kirkwall. There is also the possibility that one of the guards were bribed."

"There is nothing to do about it now. Unfortunately there are still those who are loyal to him. The King of Ferelden has sent his royal consort and some of his guards. Apparently this has also taken the interest of the wardens. How that abomination inspires such loyalty I will never know. Well at least I have Lea, though I am not sure that will matter to him."

"Surely he would not sacrifice his own daughter's life?"

"If Anders has proven anything it is that he is willing to risk everything. But I will not let that happen. Lea is a pure child of the Maker and I will protect her. He is not worthy of her."

"Your grace... Lea is a mage."

"You are lying!" Sebastain growled at the top of his voice.

"I am sorry, but I saw her casting a lightning spell on me in hostility. It is only a matter of time before she become as dangerous as her father."

Sebastian's eyes were tearing.

"Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just." He whispered.

The door opened and in came Anders with twenty other people. Anders' blood was boiling with rage and it was written all over his face. It would only be a matter of time before the true demon showed itself. This was what Sebastian had hoped for. If that demon inside him showed itself in from of Lea she would surely be too terrified of her father and she would finally recognize, what monsters mages truly were. As for what to do with Lea herself he hadn't decided yet. Now all he wanted was for Anders to suffer, Sebastian wanted justice, revenge… his vengeance.

"Release my daughter Sebastian!" Anders growled and was almost about to charge at him, but was stopped by Alyssa's gentle hold on his arm.

"You are in no position to make demands, Anders! I want justice for what you did to all those people and I will get justice by any means necessary."

Anders' face turned grim as he heard the venom those words. How often had he spoken like that? No wonder people had thought him insane if he had the same deranged look that had taken hold in Sebastian's face. Alyssa stepped forward.

"I am Alyssa Amell, a consort of the Ferelden Royal Court and am here to act on King Alistair Therin's behalf. It is a pleasure to meet you even under these unsettling circumstances."

"I am surprised that the King would take such a personal interest in this matter. This is a personal affair and does not concern the king." Sebastain said with his voice full of sarcasm as his eyes still flared with hatred as he looked at Anders.

"You are mistaken your highness. You have captured a Ferelden citizen for over two months. That citizen happens to be under the personal protection of the royal court."

"She was not born in Ferelden and has not lived there. I fail to see how she could be considered as a ferelden."

"Both her parents are ferelden and therefore, so is she. Please let us resolve this peacefully and return the girl to her father. If you do we can put this unfortunate incident behind us and it will not be any damage done between our countries relations." Alyssa still held a firm, but caring hold on Anders' arm. She dared not let him go, his temper had always made him unpredictable in these situations.

"Perhaps... Turn Anders over to me and you may have the girl."

"So be it." Anders said and was about to step forward.

"No, he is a ferelden citizen and has been given amnesty. The crimes he committed were committed against Kirkwall and as such only the Viscount Gilgan of Kirkwall can ask for his arrest. The Viscount has exiled him from Kirkwall as have other parts of the Freemarches." Alyssa explained in a firm, but diplomatic tone.

"No! No I will not allow this murderer to walk free again. **I want his head!**"

Unfortunately for Sebastian, the guards escorting Lea to the room chose this moment to enter. Lea was holding a firm grip on Fenris' hand. Varric had instructed her to stay close to him since he was the one who could protect her best without any weapons. Sebastian looked mortified at her scared face as he realized he had just achieved the exact opposite of what he had hoped for. Anders looked at his daughter for the first time in over three years. She had grown so much and she was just as beautiful as her mother. It took all of his self control not to leap forward and crush her in his arms. Instead tears started to form in his eyes. Anders then looked at Fenris who nodded at the unsaid understanding that he would keep her safe. Varric and Isabela smiled at him, but then turned their furious gazes at Sebastian. Sebastian looked at Lea, but his love for her didn't matter anymore. He wanted what was rightfully his.

"I want this murderer executed! I want justice!"

"Death is never justice, Sebastian." A female voice said and Sebastian turned his gaze at the all too familiar words.

Marian had kept her hood up and kept in the background to keep the fact that she was alive hidden. Sebastian's inability to reason however forced her to take action. He stared at her and took it all in. Her lovely face, the long dark waves of hair and those beautiful green eyes. He almost wept as he saw her. All those nights of nightmares, where he had seen her. The woman he loved who had once again been manipulated by Anders' evil. Sebastian ran forward and hugged her tightly while kissing her hair. He took in her vanilla scent and felt as if he was drowning in some unreal dream. Anders grinded his teeth as jealousy touch his heart, but when he saw Marian's surprised look he calmed himself.

"Hawke… I can't believe it… I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry, Sebastian. You left me no choice. I know I have no right to ask favours of you, but please release Lea and our friends. They are innocent in all of this."

Sebastian pulled away and gave her a stern look.

"So was Elthina, but you let her murderer walk free."

"I know, but killing Anders would not have brought her back. By allowing Anders to live he saved more lives than he took. Nothing can ever bring Elthina justice. One persons death and not be righted with the death of another's."

"How can you be so pragmatic about this? He killed a good woman of faith for his ridiculous cause!"

"I tried to end the abusive that the chantry enforced for centuries! And that **"ridiculous"** cause has changed much of Thedas already!" Anders growled.

"Please love, let me handle this." Marian gave him a gentle and loving look.

"Hawke, are you truly so blinded by love that you cannot see him for what he is?"

"I see all of him. He is a terrorist, a murderer, a healer, a freedom-fighter and a father. I see the things he has done wrong and the things he has done right. For all his faults he has one redeeming virtue, all that he has done he did in order to help. He is a good man."

"He is an abomination!"

"Justice is gone, Sebastian. He was removed by the templars. I have a book here as proof of it."

"I will not entertain the idea of this lie. You can keep your book and give me justice!"

"The Maker blessed us with minds and a consciousness. He does not approve when we fail to use them."

"How dare you speak her words to me? She was your friend! She trusted you and you rewarded her kindness with her death."

"I know that I can never compare my grief with yours, but I do mourn her loss. By remembering her teachings I keep her alive and she lives on in that legacy. I know you loved her like a mother, so please remember everything she tried to teach you… for her sake and your own."

Sebastian stared at her with tears in his eyes. He started to recall the words of Grand Cleric Elthina in his head. All his rage started to get replaced by doubt. Did he lose all that he was in this quest for justice? Everything she ever tried to teach him had been lost in all those years. He saw nothing, but his desire for revenge. _"This is your __**life**__ child! Don't spend it be blown about like a weather vane."_ Her words echoing in his mind. He had spend the past five years hunting Anders not realizing how much he was becoming just like him. He had been so focused on anger that he forgot love. Forgot the love and teaching of Elthina. Been consumed by desire and love for Hawke, that he had torn himself from the Maker. He loved a woman who would always love another man. He looked at Lea who was starring around the room. Sebastian was afraid his heart would break, but he had to know.

"Lea, come over here please."

Fenris unwillingly let go of Lea's hand and the whole room tensed. He knelt on one knee and gathered her in his arms.

"Lea, this is your mother and that man is your father."

She looked at him and gave a bright smile then wiggled out of his arms and went to her parents very carefully. Anders got down on both knees and held her close kissing her hair. When Marian kneeled down beside them hugged them both, the tears in Anders' eyes finally fell. Marian started sobbing as she kissed Lea's hair. Lea was tense at first, but then relaxed. This was she had always dreamed of, meeting her parents. Sebastian got up and realized his defeat. He turned his back to them and leaned against the table.

"Take her and go. They are all free to go, but if any of you ever set your feet in Stark Haven again, Maker forgive me, I will not hesitate to kill you."

"Come sweetheart. We are going home." Anders whispered softly to Lea. They stood up and Lea took both her parents hands. Halfway through the room she let go however and ran towards Sebastian and hugged him.

"I will miss you." She said as she hugged him. He gathered her up in his arms and hugged her.

"I will miss you too. Now remember your things before you go… and your kitten."

Lea then ran back to her parents. They all left Stark Haven within an hour and never returned.


	17. Chapter 17 Epilogue

17 Epilogue

Fifteen years after the end of the mage revolution society was finally starting to change. The greatest changes were seen in Ferelden. The King was married to the first mage queen in over a thousand years. The people had unexpectedly rejoiced in this marriage. Alistair suspected that this was due to Alyssa's status as the Hero of Ferelden. Their son and heir to the throne, Duncan Therin, were loved by the people and was a skilled warrior. Despite his young age he had already received many recommendations of valour. Mages and magic was still met with some suspicion, but they could finally live a life in Ferelden without the constant fear of templars. They were now allowed to marry and live outside the confinement of the circle. Instead of the circle there were now three options open to them. Some were taught in a boarding school in Amaranthine, were a lot of the teachers were wardens. This also allowed the wardens to recruit the mages they needed without interference from the templars or chantry. The second option was to be assigned to a royal approved mentor, who the mage would be bound to until the day of their harrowing. The third option was that a mage blood child could be taught by its parent, this option was the most preferred among mages. The harrowing was still used as a method of testing a mage's strength, but now that they knew how to reverse spirit possession the consequences were less severe. The choice was no longer tranquility or possible death.

Bloodmagic was still illegal and to capture criminal mages a new order had been founded. The order of magical defence consisted of templars as well as mages and answered to the king and landsmeet rather than the chantry. They also dealt with abominations and made sure that the mage was purged of its demon. If the mage in question had willingly dealt with the demon they were imprisoned and in some cases executed. Unwillingly victims were kept under observations for a time and if necessary had to undergo another harrowing. The order was viewed with suspicion by many of the mages, but since mages were also allowed to join the order it helped.

Mages now had to find a new way of providing for themselves. Some had become merchants, others had joined the guard, army and some had more ordinary lives as farmers. Then there were of course the clinics. Since mages were freed clinics were placed in the larger cities in Ferelden. The first that was opened was in Denerim and was now run by the court physician and former grey warden Anders.

**Outside a small estate in Denerim.**

He looked around as he went through the square. To imagine that once not long ago he wouldn't have been able to walk like this without fear. The thought was almost absurd to him. He looked up at the sky and felt the warmth of the sun against his skin as he ran a hand through his longish blonde hair. He turned around when he heard a woman scream and a man ran through the crowd pushing people out of the way with a coin purse in his hand. Carver casted a paralyzing glyph and trapped the thief.

"Now there don't you know that it is unjust to steal from young women?"

"Y-yes ser mage. I will never do it again… please don't hurt me."

"I'm a mage not a thug like you. I don't hurt people unless I am provoked."

"S-so y-you will let m-me go?"

"Sorry, that would not be just."

He took the coin purse from the thief and signalled the guards by sending a spike of lightning into the air. Only moments later the guards appeared and Carver explained the situation to them. As the robber was taken away the young lady who was robbed approached him and smiled very sweetly at him.

"Thank you so much kind ser, that was very noble of you."

"Anything for such a lovely lady as yourself." Carver winked at her and gave a charming smiled. She giggled and turned away. As she walked away she turned her head several times to look at him and he enjoyed the view of her swaying hips.

"_You are far too distracted by young women."_

"_Oh lighten up Justice. One of these days we really need to get you a girl."_

"_I am a spirit of justice, I have no need for a female companion."_

"_Not even my mother?" _Carver teased.

"_That was… different."_

"_Say what you want Justice, but deep down I know that you are a real softie."_

Justice did not reply. Carver walked towards the estate and saw Duncan getting of his horse. They were both now in the Royal army together. Duncan was of course a commanding officer because of his lineage and Carver was one of the only arcane warriors in order. He went towards his best friend and gave him a pat on his shoulders.

"Aaaww did you miss me already? I have only been gone for an hour."

"Well… I… didn't expect you to be here actually." Duncan starred into the ground with a shy demeanour. Carver in turn laughed heartily at his friend.

"Finally the great warrior found out that there was more to life than swords. Who is she?"

"Your sister."

"I figured that much, but I have three you know. You have to be more specific."

"Oh come on. Lissa is not yet fifteen and you adopted sister is… well…"

"Not Lea?"

"Yes…. I don't know what to do… I tried talking to my father, but he just gets uncomfortable."

"Hey don't worry, Lea likes you. It's no big deal."

"Easy for you to say, I don't have any of your so called charms."

"Well at least you have a big **sword**." Carver smirked.

"You're horrible bastard, you know that right?"

"I am the only son in a house full of sisters. I have been called far worse believe me. Let's go inside."

-OOO-

Anders was treating the last patients for today. He had been running the clinic in Denerim for the past fourteen years. King Alistair had provided him and Marian with a small estate and had opened a clinic in one of the two wings. The clinic was free to the public, but many nobles found it demeaning to come to a clinic where commoners came and preferred to pay Anders for making house calls. This arrangement worked well enough. It allowed him to help people who needed it and still provided a living. Two other mages where employed at the clinic and was paid by the king. One of them was a healer and the other an herbalist. In addition to his employees Anders had the help of two of his daughters, Lea and Shina. Shina was an elf girl Marian had found a year after they moved to Denerim. Her parents had been terrified of her powers and had made a huge scene in the middle of the alieneage as they cast her out. Marian had taken pity on the girl and brought her home with her. When the discovered that she was good with healing spells and decursing enchantments Anders took her as an apprentice. Since that day Shina was regarded as their own child. Shina was in her mid twenties and passed her harrowing a few years back. Lea was still an apprentice and was nervous about her upcoming harrowing, but Anders was confident that she would pass with flying colours. Even so he had taken some extra time to train her these past few weeks. Right now he was healing a boy with a broken arm, who was the son of Phillip and Susanna.

"There... good as new. How did you break it in the first place?"

The boys face turned bright red.

"He decided it would be a good idea to get a good look in some girls' window by climbing up a tree." Phillip grumbled as he answered for his son. Anders gave a roar with laughter and then tried to compose himself.

"So how is the wife, Phillip?"

"She is doing well enough. Maker I had almost forgotten how grumpy she is when she is with child."

"I don't envy you my friend. When Marian was expecting Lissa she was a blighted ragedemon in disguise. One time she even... What are you doing in here you filthy beast?"

Anders looked down at a black mabari staring up at him as it whined. He said his goodbyes to Phillip and dragged the dog by the collar into the private quarters.

"Lissa!" He growled up the stairs. The bedrooms were on the first floor and downstairs was the kitchen, library, sitting room and of course his clinic. A few moments later his youngest daughter appeared. She looked so innocent that girl. So little and frail and with her blonde hair and green eyes she could bend anyone (especially her father) to her will. She was the only one of their children who wasn't born with magic, but she had inherited her mother's talents, but was receiving training as an archer rather than dualwielding daggers.

"Yes father?"

"**Your** dog was in the clinic again. How many times have I told you to either have him with you or tie him up?"

"He's a mabari. He is not meant to be locked up or leashed."

"I can't have him in my clinic."

She skipped down the stairs and kissed her father's cheek.

"I'm sorry father. It won't happen again. Are you very cross with me?" Anders let out a sigh.

"No sweetheart, just keep him away from my clinic or he will get a lightning spike straight on his tail."

The dog whined and Lissa giggled as she took the mabari up stairs. Anders didn't mind the dog as much as he let on. He had actually been happy when a mabari imprinted on Lissa. Being the only non-mage child her feared she would feel left out, but now she had something that her siblings didn't. Something that proved that she was just as special.

"You are such a push over you know that right?"

Anders turned around and saw Marian in the doorway to the library.

"I know. She takes after her mother."

"I don't know about that. It did take me three years for you to stop resisting me. It is more likely she got that charm from you."

"You have absolutely no idea how you tortured me all those years. Had circumstances been different I would have been lost the moment you walked into my clinic."

"Before or after you pointed your staff at me?" She answered teasingly. Anders went towards her and kissed her deeply.

"I so didn't need to see that!" Carver grumbled as he and Duncan walked in the door. Anders let go of Marian and then turned around smiling.

"Good to see you again Duncan. How are your parents?" Marian said smilingly.

"They are fine, thank you. My father asked me to bring this letter to you. The agenda for the council meeting has been changed again."

"I almost regret I ever took that job, but thank you Duncan. Lea is in the garden gathering some herbs."

Duncan gave a shy smile as his face turned bright red. He then nodded and went out towards the garden. After bragging about his heroic rescue in the square, Carver went towards the kitchen. Some of that grey warden appetite still hadn't worn off in his case.

"I thought having Justice around would have made him more humble." Anders grinned.

"Perhaps he has... Imagine how bad it would be if Justice **weren't **around."

"Maker! I don't want even to think about it. Did you hear him last night when he started talking about animal rights?"

"Yes, he is certainly carrying on the tradition righting what is unjust."

"He he... I guess so. I just hope he doesn't liberate animals by releasing all the mabari in the royal keep. One begging mabari is more than enough for this household."

"Rather that than he travels to Tevinter to join Fenris' slave-rebellion." Marian answered with a worried voice.

"I'm sure Fenris is fine, love. King Alistair has sent men to help free the slaves as have Stark Haven."

"I know... I hope the qunari doesn't take this opportunity to strike though. I have seen enough war for a lifetime." She said mournfully. Anders kiss the crown of her head as he gentle stroked her cheek. To change to a more pleasant topic he smirked as her as he asked.

"So... what was that about Lea and Duncan?"

"Ever since Duncan's birthday ball last month she has blushed every time his name was mentioned and he has delivered **a lot** of messages recently."

"Hmmm... I am not really sure I like this. He is too old for her."

"He is only four years older and don't you dare behave like an overprotective father. Duncan is a good boy and I am sure that whatever his intentions are they are honourable... unlike you were when you were younger I'm sure."

"My point exactly if anyone knows what goes through a young man's head it's me. Besides what if I am an overprotective father?"

Marian just smiled and pulled him down for another kiss. Anders then pulled away and walked away.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to see what happens with Lea and Duncan."

"You're going to spy on your own daughter?"

"A father's right." He smirked and then ran through the house towards the garden with his wife right behind him. He stopped at the door out to the garden and put a finger to his Marian's lips to silence her. Lea was gathering some of the herbs they grew for potions and Duncan was next to her.

"Andrastes flaming knickers! I **hate** that blighted elfroot, it always gets so damn entangled into everything." Lea grumbled and Duncan gave her a surprised look. She blushed when she realised what she just said.

"Sorry... I know it's not very ladylike. I have been spending too much time with uncle Varric and Isabela I guess."

"No need... I was just... surprised. Do you need any help with that?"

"Yes please. That this knife and get me some prickleweed will you? It is the red one with the thorns."

Duncan took the knife and started cutting. It was evident that he didn't have a clue about what he was doing. Only a moment later he cut himself with the knife in order to avoid the thorns.

"Ouch! Blasted plant!"

"What? The great warrior prince defeated by a piece of shrubbery, what will the people say?" Lea teased.

"Hey that was unfair. Assaults on ones pride is the worst you know." Duncan faked a pout.

"Here... let me heal that." She giggled as she took his hand and let a little blue energy emerge from her hand to his. Duncan looked into her green eyes and lost his breath. She gazed at him feeling her breathing becoming more rapidly. When Duncan heard a mabari bark he quickly let go of her hand and a flush became evident on his face.

Anders and Marian were still standing in the doorway unnoticed by both Lea and Duncan. Marian took Anders' arm and pulled him into the room and away from the garden. Anders chuckled.

"I don't know why I was worried. I wish Varric could have seen this."

"It would have been a glorious tale I'm sure. I received a letter from him this morning. Isabela and he will come to Denerim next month. I have yet to reply, but I assume he will be staying with us."

"Of course. We should perhaps contact Merill's clan? Maybe she wants to come and join us for a little while."

"That's a great idea. I will tell Bethany at the council meeting. It will be like old times. I also received a letter from Donnic and Aveline, they want to visit us for a month next summer if that is alright with you."

"Of course, love."

Anders pulled Marian close and kissed her. At least for now there was peace in their lives. War might still come and there would always be battles to be fought somewhere, but they would have to be fought be others. With all they had sacrificed and lost over the years, the needed peace and tranquillity.


End file.
